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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL for New Year. WWYD?

9 replies

Davespecifico · 29/12/2017 15:35

MIL is due to visit from another city for new year. She’s early 80s. She’s told dp over the phone that we don’t care about her, she’s complained that she’s been stuck in for days due to snow and gas now unpacked her case and is refusing to come.
For context, she’s come to us for Xmas for the last 3 years running and told us that this year she would be with friends and wouldn’t be coming. I repeatedly told her that she was welcome to come. On Christmas Day dp rang her and she told us that she’s decided to have a quiet Christmas home alone. At that point I sensed we were likely to be ‘for it’ at some point despite this arrangement being of her doing. Now she’s saying we abandoned her at Christmas and it’s our fault that she’s been trapped at home.
So should I/we push it that she comes to us or leave it? I have offered to drive to her here btw.
I feel I should just go and get her and brave the irrational moaning because she is elderly, fed up and would calm down after a good moan.
On the other hand, we have had years of listening to the fake victim story. I’ve sent her beautiful presents which she won’t acknowledge. She is lying for attention which I find sly and mean. Plus, she’s not actually my mum.
What would you do? Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
regularbutpanickingabit · 29/12/2017 15:37

Just leave her to it. Write one last nice message about how sorry you are she’s changed her mind if you feel you need to and then think no more about it. It’s hard when the guilt trips are a regular part of life but sometimes you just have to say enough is enough.

Davespecifico · 29/12/2017 15:41

Such a pain she doesn’t text or email. A message line that would work well.

OP posts:
DrSeuss · 29/12/2017 15:41

I agree with Regular. I very much regret pandering to my mother's appalling behaviour which only caused her to continue to behave in this way.

Tinselistacky · 29/12/2017 15:42

Leave her to it. If your dh ain't worried why should you be?

Davespecifico · 29/12/2017 15:44

True tinsel. Our names will be mud with friends and relatives, but maybe they were already?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 29/12/2017 15:45

I’d leave her to it. I can’t stand the victim thing regardless of their age.

FrivolouslyFancifulFannie · 29/12/2017 15:46

shes being a martyr but go and get her

saying this as someone who lost a granny very unexpectedly in her 80s, think dead within 12hrs from being perfectly fine. I would love one more xmas with her.

If you go and she refuses to come then you know you tried.

fessmess · 29/12/2017 15:47

Now I disagree. My mum is same age and easily gets wrong end of stick. She won't be here forever, do the right thing and have her over.

FrivolouslyFancifulFannie · 29/12/2017 15:48

she often done the martyr thing but this time we left her

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