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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

truly awful time

23 replies

aquamarine2 · 29/12/2017 15:13

my partner is a selfish person, who seems to be lacking all empathy for others. He is also very selfish with his money and rarely contributes to bills, food etc.

He is a free spirit and loves to travel and was thinking of taking off to USA to see daughter and travel around. I was cross because I couldn't afford to anything other than pay bills. We had a row and he said it was already booked and he was leaving the next evening. However, when I got home that night he had already packed and gone. No contact for a month.

When he finally landed he went to stay with his sister. He finally got round to seeing me two days later saying he loved me but couldn't live with me.

He offered to spend Christmas with me but I couldn't see the point. he then left Christmas eve and I haven't heard from him since.

Every time I asked him if it was over he said 'no I just cant live with you anymore'.

Not sure why Im posting this but my head is spinning. We have been together over 13 years and I am totally confused. Have cried buckets and I just want to know where I stand but he leaves me in the fog all the time.

I know I should have the bottle to call an end but the very sad fact is I still love him. Oh and also he had a month long affair last year which nearly broke me.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 29/12/2017 15:17

He's a free spirited arsehole Hmm
Maybe counselling would help you to unravel why you still feel you love someone who treats you like shit?

There's a no contact thread on here that might help you stay away from him.

TheSnowballFairy · 29/12/2017 15:18

You poor thing. 13 years is a long time to invest in someone with such a shitty attitude.

Sn0tnose · 29/12/2017 15:19

He can't live with you anymore because you're interfering with him doing exactly what he wants to do, without consequences.

What exactly is it that he's giving you that you can't provide for yourself?

Maelstrop · 29/12/2017 15:21

Whose house is it?

aquamarine2 · 29/12/2017 15:22

he gives me nothing but for some reason I am afraid when he is not here. My heart races and I feel like I cannot breath sometimes. So. Fear.

OP posts:
aquamarine2 · 29/12/2017 15:22

the house is mine

OP posts:
TheSnowballFairy · 29/12/2017 15:25

But you have just managed without him for a month. You can do it Flowers

DelphiniumBlue · 29/12/2017 15:25

Sorry, sounds like it is over. He's left, says he can't live with you, and from what you say lies and cheats, so you really can't rely on him.
He doesn't sound very nice, you are better off without him. It feels like you love him, but more likely you love the idea of the man you thought he was,but clearly isn't.
It's hard, but pick yourself up, block him if necessary, keep yourself busy, and keep reminding yourself that the person you're in love with doesn't actually exist.

Gemini69 · 29/12/2017 15:26

he's a prick.. he's keeping you as a booty call .. nothing more.. than somewhere to get pampered and sex then off on his next exciting adventure..

you must focus on the positives of not having this brain drain who added nothing to your life anyway...

write a list of what exactly he brought to your live ......

Gemini69 · 29/12/2017 15:26
  • life
Tinselistacky · 29/12/2017 15:28

Free spirt =selfish arse hole
Give him his freedom - and find someone to whom you are a priority.
And if you have slept with him since his grand returned then get checked out.

Mxyzptlk · 29/12/2017 15:29

Write two lists - of good things and bad things about being with this guy.

He "can't live with you" and is gallivanting off abroad. It certainly seems like whatever was there has ended.

hahahaIdontgetit · 29/12/2017 16:08

I have very little patience with "free spirits" it's generally just a way to be selfish and inconsiderate.

You've managed a month, please go no contact for your own sanity.

Zaphodsotherhead · 29/12/2017 16:13

I don't think you love him. I think you are addicted to his presence. If you were both in love he would have taken you to the USA with him. He doesn't care as much about you as you do about him (plus he's probably knocking someone else off, hence the 'I just can't live with you...')

Seize your self respect and kick him to the curb.

billybagpuss · 29/12/2017 16:18

if 'he can't live with you any more' it is well and truly over.

Change the locks and find something you really enjoy so you get used to spending time for you. Maybe try counselling if you are really afraid/anxious on your own.

He is worth no more of your time.

Angelf1sh · 29/12/2017 16:20

Dump him.
Dump him.
Dump him.
Dump him.

Comekittykitty · 29/12/2017 16:22

Nothing foggy about this one.

He told you he doesn’t want to live with you anymore. He has cheated on you and just upped and left.

I would also suggest counselling for you to find out what attracts you to someone who treats you so badly.

ferando81 · 29/12/2017 16:25

When a person treats you like this ,they don't love you or respect you.Fear is not love ,you are scared of being alone so you tell yourself you are in love with him .
The old maxim "treat them mean keep them keen "obviously works on some people

Aspergallus · 29/12/2017 16:26

Feeling as you do without him reeks of unhealthy attachment and addiction, not love. Go cold turkey -go no contact. Block block block and start treating yourself better than this.

ChickenMom · 29/12/2017 16:28

He’s freeloading. When he’s with you he doesn’t pay for anything so you are keeping him. That then frees up his cash to travel but without you. So you are being very clearly used for a roof over his head and food in his tummy. Not good enough to take to the USA though?! Dump. Do not contact him. Do not take him back. If you do, make him sign a contract for paying you rent and housekeeping money. He’s absolutely taking the mickey out of you.

Bumshkawahwah · 29/12/2017 17:15

You poor thing. It sounds like you know you must end it (and you really, really have to), but it also sounds like you need some help. Could you arrange some counseling? Otherwise I worry that you’ll struggle to put an end to what is a horrible relationship.

OnTheRise · 29/12/2017 20:10

He's treating you badly and you deserve better.

Count yourself lucky to be free of him. Block him on your phone and everywhere else, and start to build a lovely life for yourself, full of the kindness and respect he has failed to give you.

It's a horrible time for him to have shown his true colours. But consider it a blessing. You can now have a positive, lovely life instead of a cold and unkind one.

AhJaysus · 29/12/2017 20:31

Bin the dickhead.

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