H and I have been together since August 2012, married since April 2016 and have a DD together who was born in June 2015.
We lived together before DDs birth but I was heavily pregnant, things were stressful. And H had never lived apart from his family before.
The main problem I can see is our differing mental health. H has never hit me or DC but when he's very down he does lose his temper and has damaged doors and furniture before. It's not happened for a while but it's a cycle - he goes down, we argue he loses his temper, neighbour calls police, social services get involved, make him go to the GP and get counselling and then it starts again. I can't cope anymore. I am in the best place I have ever been mentally, I am so happy with my life despite some difficult circumstances. I am worried he'll bring me down, which won't be good for DD. It also affects the housework; the washing up doesn't get done for weeks, and he's too tired all the time to do it. He "forgets" to take the bin out. And he refuses to contact his family at all, they want to speak to their son/brother/grandson not me, but he doesn't care.
He's also very jealous of me. He admits he is. I work but only very parttime as DD has a few extra needs that mean I need to be able to take her to appointments or pick her up from Nursery at a moments notice. He hates working. Not just his job, but every job he's ever had. He begs me to get a job so he can be at home, but as much as I'd love a job the social workers we have involved thanks to him don't think he'd cope at home with a toddler with extra needs - I find it hard enough, but I know I'd never lose my temper with DD. The Social Worker thinks he's all talk when he says he'd cope, and says he comes across as very stressed.
He also has a medical condition he refuses to sort. He blames the doctors, Nurses or anyone else because they forgot him, but he doesn't chase them. He knows he needs an operation but won't sort it out. The Social Worker has warned him that she won't leave him alone until he gets it sorted but he says he doesn't care.
I've tried to leave before but he got upset. He's a joint tenant on our flat and the housing association have said unless he's violent to me or DD he has as much right to stay here as I do in the event of a split. He wouldn't leave here unless forced to as he says he has nowhere to go (despite his parents and grandparents both having spare rooms and living 20 minutes away). And he's told me time and again I can't take DD if I leave. He has stood across her bedroom door while she's been asleep when I've tried to leave before as he "has as much right to be the residential parent as I do". He has a fulltime job his shifts are very variable and he has no idea from one day to the next when and where he's going to be working, so DDs nursery is arranged around my work schedule.
I'd never stop contact with her, but it is something I am concerned about. His shifts, his condition and also to start with at least he'd need to have his mum which would be tricky to arrange. I also don't see it being regular which will be difficult for DD as her SN means she needs to see someone regularly to know who they are - I can't bare the thought of him losing his daughter as well as everything.
So if you've read this far, how do I get him out? Been told if I go I'll be making myself intentionally homeless and could lose DD anyway for that. I want to get out, for DDs sake as well as my own, but I do love him and I just need him to see the way he's being isn't right.