I wondered if anyone would be interested in joining a support thread for people trying to move on from an abusive relationship?
The last ten years of my life have been spent trying to escape from an abusive husband. I've been homeless, stayed with various family members and lived in over 10 different houses.
Finally officially separated three years ago after Christmas when I called the police. Then spent six months with women's aid and doing Freedom programme and managed to get my own flat.
We're still not divorced as he is controlling that as long as he can.
The reason I'm starting this thread is to help me process what's happening and help me move on.
I'm worried that I don't know what a real relationship should feel like - or what normal behaviour is.
The example I have is that I was staying with friends over Christmas, I helped my friend tidy up for more guests coming round. Then her dh needed to go out and asked 'where's my coat?' I froze and my whole body tensed up as we'd moved it to another room- and I assumed he'd go mental about it and shout at us. But no, he is a normal person, so my friend just said where it was and he went and got it - simple as that. Then he said 'where are my shoes?' as we'd moved them too. My whole body froze again- I thought now he'll really flip out - it was one thing to move his coat - but to move his shoes as well, no man would let that pass. But no, she simply told him where they were, he went and got them, and no one was aware anything of interest had happened. But I was left with my heart hammering with fear and my whole body full of anxiety.
I'm glad I've recognised it, but how can I still be living with this fear after 3 years? How can I help myself to become normal and expect normal behaviour from people again?