swearing at me in front of the DCs

[warkford]

I've asked him to apologise because it's unacceptable but he won't. Now I don't know what to do. Every time I try and say anything he shouts me down.
Am I really the bad guy here? It started when he shouted "Oi" at me because I was looking at my phone while he was talking to me. I didn't realise he was addressing me, because he'd been talking to DD. I said he was rude and he just went for me. He's been drinking. So it's a trivial argument, but he can be really unpleasant and angry when he's been drinking. It isn't the first time. I feel that anything I do except letting it blow over is exacerbating it, but it's hardly the environment I want for the kids.

I can't do that to the DCs.

If you do nothing... the message to him is that's acceptable behaviour.

Why will he stop? Unless you withdraw affection and anything uoiu do till he gets the message.

Two separated parents are better than a toxic household.
How old are dc?

I withdrew affection last year. After I woke him up in the night because he was snoring (drunk) and he yelled and swore at me, waking the kids in the process. I moved into the spare room and I've been very happy there. Maybe he resents that but any attempts to talk about his drinking met with hostility. So I've left him to get on with it.

Don’t try and talk to him tonight if he has been drinking. Speak about it when he is sober and not hungover especially if he has a tendency to get mouthy.

DCs are 10. I know they worry about us divorcing because they've asked me. I've always reassured them it won't happen - what else can you say? I don't want to leave because it would destroy everything I've worked for. I'm not scared of him just bloody angry!

They worrying about you divorcing because they see you how much you don't like or respect each other and because it is an unknown.

I grew up in a similar house and I wish my mother had left. I was scared they would divorce at the time but looking back I'd have been far happier and less damaged if I hadn't grown up hearing my father regularly screaming at my mother that she was a shitbrain and a fucking piece of shit.

I'll leave you to guess what happened when I hit my teens.

You are causing your kids more damage raising them in this environment. they would prever to ser you happy, and you are not.

thing about what you are teaching them about relationships.

If they were in a happy home, they would not be asking if you're getting divorced..you also shouldn't tell them you won't get divorced...because that's saying you'll stay no matter what.

If you don't want your children to grow up thinking it's normal for dad to swear at mum..you need to rethink this.

The example of a marriage they see could affect their own future relationships.

They know parents divorce when they aren't getting on ... do you really think they'd ask about divorce if they saw two loving and happy parents?