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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I leave him

12 replies

Megamoose22 · 28/12/2017 22:49

This is a bit long, but my husband and I first started dating in our Sophomore year of High school. Typical High school sweethearts, then everything went down hill when we graduated. He pressured me into getting an apartment with him, which eventually led to me getting two jobs and working 14 hour days to support after he lost his job. I then found myself pregnant at 19, he said he would leave me if I lost the child. I delivered 2 1/2 months early to my sweet boy, and spent a lot of time in the NICU. During the time in the hospital my husband prioritized video games instead of his son and wife in the hospital leading to me having some severe depression. Once my son came home, nothing changed. My husband ignored us, played video games constantly, and has done nothing to help raise our son. Many talks and threats of me leaving and taking the baby have gone on deaf ears, Until I finally left. Now he is taking care of the house, doing his own laundry and dishes, things I could never get him to do. He says he wants us back and he is ready to be the husband and father we need. But after all this time, I have so much resentment and hurt from all he is done, i'm finally happy now that i'm alone. I don't know if i should go back or ask for a divorce.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 28/12/2017 22:56

You say you're finally happy - I think you've answered your own question!

From what you say of your history, it's likely your ex would slide back to his old ways, were you to go back to him. All he's demonstrated is that he can look after himself and the house when necessity dictates that he must. His attitude towards you when you were pregnant and then when your son was born was reprehensible - by staying with him through that, you gave the relationship more of a shot than most would. Enjoy your freedom - you deserve far better than your ex.

Gemini69 · 28/12/2017 23:04

Stay Happy Lady.... don't go back.. look forward Flowers

Hermonie2016 · 28/12/2017 23:05

How long have you been separated?

Thr issue with household duties was not that he couldn't do them before but that he hsd no respect for you so chose not to do them.

Abandoning you when you needed him most shows his lack of compassion and empathy.These characteristics don't switch on/off.He mostly likely doesn't possess these traits.Did he have a difficult childhood? As likely to be hardwired.
For this reason I would not go back.

NSEA · 28/12/2017 23:06

You gave him a big chance and he blew it. If you’re happy now then don’t go back - he doesn’t deserve a second chance when the majority of men know how to behave as a husband/family.

GottadoitGottadoit · 29/12/2017 00:22

i'm finally happy now that i'm alone

Don't go back

Ellisandra · 29/12/2017 09:24

It's no big deal that he's doing his own laundry Hmm now there's no-one else to do it! How does that prove he'd do it once you're back?
You know he wouldn't.
You'd be a fool to give up your happiness again.,

MerryShitmas · 29/12/2017 09:45

Of course he's doing stuff now you're not there to do it for him (it's a right ballache and probably too expensive to just hire home help).
The second you get back together he'll be back to square one. Don't do it!

hellsbellsmelons · 29/12/2017 10:01

Course he wants you back together.
He's lost his housemaid!
YOU are HAPPY!!!
Don't give that up again.

SendintheArdwolves · 29/12/2017 10:05

So you were highschool sweethearts, then it started going wrong when you graduated?

So....you went out for a year or so when you were kids, and since then it's been a long catalogue of him exploiting you, making you support him, ignoring your needs, making it clear he was only with you because you got pregnant ("I'll leave you if you lose the baby" FFS) and caring more about video games than you and his son?

Sounds like this is a teen romance that ought to have fizzled out at 17. Instead it has, somehow, mutated far past it's natural lifespan, and left you shackled to some idiot manchild who you wouldn't look twice at if you met today. Try not to be too impressed that he's finally doing his own laundry and washing up - are you supposed to be grateful that he wipes his own arse and ties his own shoelaces as well?

Oh god, bin him off right now. In fact, give me the phone, I'll do it.

Megamoose22 · 29/12/2017 14:29

I really appreciate all of you, frankly everything I listed in our history isn't even the worst of it. We have been separated for 6 months, and in this time frame he hasn't once asked to see his son for the day, only me. Thank you for your responses!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 29/12/2017 14:57

Yep - because he's not interested in his son or family life.
Just getting YOU back in line to sort everything out again.
You've done well and you are happy and you've survived perfectly well for 6 months.
As we say over here - He can get to fuck!

Gemini69 · 29/12/2017 15:42

Course he wants you back together
He's lost his housemaid!
YOU are HAPPY!!!
Don't give that up again

this will Bells on Flowers

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