Irrationally annoyed about others’ luck

[lizzieoak]

This will pass very quickly, but just need a wee rant.

When I got divorced, over ten years ago, my exh said “no-one will ever want a woman with two kids” and “men will notice you, because you’re pretty, but once they see your personality they will run a mile.” Well, the Charmer cursed me and so it has come to pass. No interest, none at all, in 10+ years. I’m in my 50’s now, so can’t see that improving.

An acquaintance of mine has just put on Facebook that she’s “in a relationship”. I haven’t seen her in a few months, but was confused as she’s married. I look at her feed. 10 months ago she’s gushing about her best friend, her “hubby”, their anniversary. 7 months ago holiday snaps from Florida. Still confused (& nosy). Look at her husbands, it says separated. Wake up and see people saying “???”. She says “I’ve met the nicest man!”

And I’m irrationally annoyed. That other people aren’t even divorced yet and they meet someone. She has 4 kids and works (in a job without a lot of men about) & has managed to meet someone. I’ve been hunting for a bloody decade and nada.

Happy for her and all , but bloody hell, what is the universe trying to tell me? It also annoys me as I’ve been feeling all Zen and accepting about my permanent state of Eleanor Rigbyhood, and was thinking “I should volunteer on weekends, or take a class or something”, and now I’m all grouchy again.

Just a vent, it’ll pass. (& yes, I tried online but didn’t like it).

Maybe she isn’t fussy has he got all his own teeth?

And he’s likely got a comb-over!

She’s about 8 years you get than me, but I wasn’t getting any interest 8 years ago.

I do think there’s more blokes about who are her type than mine, she’s more a regular folks type.

Bless you. You sound lovely and quite a catch! I know that doesn’t help though.

She’s bragging on fb and I’m sure it all looks glam and swanky as hell but if she left her husband for a “nice man” and isn’t even yet divorced I bet behind the scenes her life is a bloody mess.

Does that help?

My old boss used to swan about telling everyone she was a brave single parent. Then I found out she met the sweet and handsome boyfriend she had within a week of leaving her ex! And the bf moved in within months (they were still together 12 years later when I knew them).

I've got some amazing friends who are single. They're beautiful, clever, kind, interesting but have never settled down. They've had opportunities but been after the type of man who doesn't want to settle down.

I've hardly been single in the last 30 years but other than the beginning of new relationships, it hasn't been easy. I wish I'd been more demanding!

Thank you Anne! It does help, actually, I must be terrible Well, maybe I can have a wee bit of schadenfreude?

I hadn’t thought that she left for this new one. Perhaps you’re right, in which case yes, a mess. I feel badly for the teenagers though (she’s got little ones as well, but they tend to be more resilient).

I spent years so lonely and yearning to be able to be a good partner to someone. And seeing the ex going through girlfriends at a rate of knots (cause he’s a difficult bastard).

I’m a bit shy and nervous of men because of the ex, and because of teenage years and early 20’s feeling a bit hounded by all sorts wanting sex (& ignoring them, but feeling a bit too pursued). So maybe I just don’t seem approachable?

The happiest person I know is single. She is only 30 but isn’t interested in men. She has a clean house does what she wants when she wants. I really envy her

I’m so with you Lizzie - been divorced just over ten years now, am 47. I’m often told (by men and women) that I’m ‘very’ attractive (I was when younger, fading a bit now and there’s a few extra pounds!) am surrounded by the most wonderful friends (lots, many very close) so I must be doing something right...I still get a lot of male attention but it never leads to anything (they just want sex) yet, like you, I continually hear about friends of friends who within a year of splitting are madly in love. It’s as if there’s a secret formula I just don’t understand. Am thinking that’s just what was meant to be perhaps...I hate the terrible jealousy I feel, it’s very unattractive

Apples, do you mean you envy her being single, or envy her being okay with it? I’d like to be okay with it, and I’m not despondent about it anymore, but I’d still like to share my life with someone.

Lily, yes, that’s it exactly. Like there’s a secret code you don’t know about!!

Men chat to me, smile at me, but no-one asks me out - and I don’t have the confidence to ask out strangers, and I just don’t meet single men at work or through friends. It’s weird, and kind of grim actually.

I have this too OP! I'm 29, been single 10 years, I think I'm attractive, good job, own house, plenty of friends, but I'm never, ever asked out. But I see friends and acquaintances leaving great passionate relationships and two weeks later a new one starts. And I remain single. How do they do it?! I think there's a secret I'm not in on.

Changer - bloody hell, it’s perplexing, no? (I am practicing French on my phone so am all Hercule Poirot in my head).

Is it mad luck, or something we don’t know, or the universe doling out loads to some and none to others.

I see women I work with who are difficult people with (apparently) devoted partners. I’m a nice person and apparently attractive, but nothing.

Lizzie I envy how happy she is doing her own shit in her own time how she likes. I also have a friend who lives with a friend. They are also as happy as pigs in shit. Their house is clean they do what they like etc etc.

My SIL married the first guy she met on Match! Turns out he's her soul mate and they are annoyingly happy 11 years on.

I was single for a long time and went on various unsuccessful blind dates. If you think about it it drives you nuts.