My boyfriend wants to slow down after 6 months?

[lozza16]

want some advice really. I met a wonderful guy and we decided from early on that we would be boyfriend and girlfriend. Over the past few weeks we had been having little arguments because he wasn't contacting me as he used to. He would never call me back when he said he would and I told him I felt like his lack of communication was actually a lack of interest. He assured me it wasn't.

I saw him a week ago and things went really well, I finally met his friends, he was being so loving and I felt so happy. Fast forward a couple of days later we were meant to meet but he said he would let me know. He promised to call me back and didn't. I was so annoyed I ended it with him. He told me I would regret it and I ended up trying to call him. At first he wasn't having any of it. He would not speak to me, after a while we spoke and he said he still loved me. I spoke to him last night and he said he's so confused, he made a mistake he's not ready for a relationship. His jobs really stressful, he didn't realise how stressful it would be being in a relationship. He said I'm perfect and he loves me but he wants to take it slowly. I'm confused how can you go from being so in love to wanting to take it slowly? I told him he just wanted a fuck buddy and he got mad and said that's not it. Then he said he didn't want to stop talking. I told him I take it could see other people if we did that and he said there's no way I can anyone else. To me he's saying everything that entails a relationship.
He has since tried to call me and messaged me saying Merry Christmas. I'm so confused, I feel like maybe I have slightly rushed him and he does have a very stressful job but I thought we were on the same level. Do I

I text him saying I understand why he's feeling stressed. I don't want to put much pressure on him and we can take it slowly and start fresh. He never replied so I guess I got my answer. its really hard to fathom because 2 weeks ago everything seemed fine and he was declaring his love. I get that he was trying to keep his options open but couldn't be bothered. Thanks for the advice though

I'm sorry but if someone said they were going to call and they didn't I would be fucked off
I wouldn't end it dramatically, but I would start taking serious stock of the relationship.

When you're in your 20s things do move fast, you don't have all of the life baggage that gives you warning signs. So it's much more black and white imo.

Personally I would say he's really not that bothered, and maybe he doesn't want lots of drama.
You have to work out what YOU want in a relationship

It shouldn't be such hard work early on. All relationships have ups and downs but the ones I've been in or witnessed friends in that are already in difficulty six months in never get better, only worse. I'd move on fast, in your position. You want to be single when you meet the man you click with, who just feels 'right' for you.

the thing is we both were shocked how much we clicked, there was no games, no worrying should I text. Just straight down the line I know what I want. even when we've been split up he's been mentioning my social media as if he was jealous. I'm confused, why is he so bothered that I would be going out and having fun, I f he wasn't interested? Why would he try to call me?

even when we've been split up he's been mentioning my social media as if he was jealous. I'm confused, why is he so bothered that I would be going out and having fun, I f he wasn't interested?

Sounds like he wants to keep you on the back burner, doesn't want you to meet anyone else, but can't be arsed to be a full boyfriend.

maybe give yourself some headspace and figure what you want. Do what makes you happy xx

yeah I get that, I think its my first proper experience of falling in love. So i'm just analysing the why and everything. He even acted upset when I ended it with him, like it wasn't what he wanted. SSucks

His behaviour has changed dramatically.... something is very different...

Get Rid OP

You can still be upset after ending it with someone, even if it's what you wanted. When my ex dumped me, he did it while crying.

Things aren't always black and white.

Take some time for yourself OP

I find the two danger zones in a new relationship are six months and two years. Almost all of the relationships I've had ended around those two dates. It's totally normal to find at 4-6 months you're just not as compatible as chemistry and lust made you believe. You start to notice the annoying habits and incompatible values you've been brushing over, and once you emerge from the new relationship bubble you find out if this partner is as great as they seem in the cold light of day, and if you can integrate being with them while also living your own life, friends and hobbies.

It's not really anyone's fault, it's just human nature. I don't think he's as into you as you are him. I don't think I'm particularly clingy (have a full varied life and lots of friends and aren't rushing to be exclusive) but when I date someone new damn right I want us both to WANT to be in touch every day even if just a few texts. I want to feel desired and appreciated. I want a couple of thoughtful gestures and to feel like he can't wait to see me. I had one guy who flew from Italy for our first date and another who drove 90 mins in rush hour for a half hour coffee before my job started as it was our only time together. Another who came six hours on the train every weekend at the start! They were all pretty big gestures caused by distance but a guy down the next street won't make it difficult for you to feel wanted and desired: he'll be texting you, sticking to his promises re calling you, and you'll be doing the same in return. If not it doesn't mean either of you are unreasonable in your desire for contact. Just incompatible.

This is just a hunch but I believe that as you felt him pull away you became more anxious and fearful and monitored signs of interest a lot more closely (has he replied? How long did it take? He said he'd call and didn't), and as you moved forward doing that his lack of interest in you only made him feel suffocated and smothered and back away which in turn caused you to freak and monitor more.

But it doesn't really matter, you weren't gonna make it cos he wasn't into it enough for you. If someone is crazy about you they'll be delighted you're wanting to see and talk to them not back away!

Chalk it up to experience; with the right person none of this stress will be there. Not to this extent anyway. Maybe a bit of doubt or a flutter of anxiety, but you'll be in zero doubt he wants you. It'll be clear.

Sorry, it sucks. Worthwhile to learn though. Block and delete him everywhere. go no contact and you'll heal surprisingly fast!

you ended things because he didnt call you back one time? maybe...you're the problem here? he sounds like a pretty laidback, nice guy who is able to be honest with you

Don’t be confused - he’s just a bit of a dick.

Hot, cold, wants you, pushes you away...textbook immature dick behaviour.

Nothing to get confused about: either you want that kind of dim-witted push-pull which keeps you insecure and needy, or you’re happy to dump him and look for someone you can really get excited about.

Zero confusion. Your decision.

Ah, the old "I have feelings for you but not sure I want to be with you". Yeah, don't even bother with that. I spent months trying to navigate, analyse and justify a similar situation and it really is not worth it. I can see why you were pissed off if he repeatedly didn't call or let you know about plans when he said he would, that's just rude.

You've told him how you feel, now you really need to just leave him to it. If he doesn't get back in touch there's your answer. But whatever you do, don't let him talk you into some bullshit seeing-each-other-but-not-a-relationship situation, if you're clear you want a relationship but he isn't willing to make the effort to actually be with you then seriously, don't let him have his cake and eat it. I wish I'd been firmer and stronger when this happened to me, I think you're doing the right thing walking away

He called me after seeing me and my very gay friend together, he called me and then sent a text. I called him and basically said what is it you want. I asked him why he said he wanted to take it slow, and he said he must of been drunk when he said it. He said I'm allowed to do whatever I want, I can see whoever I want. But he was just letting me know he saw me with my friend and he doubts my friend was even gay?! its like he was saying hurtful stuff to lash out at me. I sound really stupid but I'm not even convinced that he wants it to end but i'm no longer giving him that option, I really did try.

I totally get where the op is coming from, I put up with 2 years worth of I will call you back and waiting up for the bastard to ring, 2 years worth of him not knowing if he wants a relationship or not even though he said he loved me repeatedly, blowing hot and cold etc, sometimes that call that doesn’t come is the last straw. Get rid and stay rid, it’s only been 6 months, don’t take 2 years worth of crap like I did.

Did you read any of your replies, OP?

He’s not that into y

Do I call him back and try and iron it out one last time? Or let him come to me?

Get on with your life. Forget about him.

LET IT GO

OP, there's nothing wrong with what you've done, you just want different things to him and aren't a good match at the moment. Please, please don't do that thing where you try to twist yourself into allsorts of strange, unhealthy ways in an attempt to make it work with him. Be yourself. What you want is OK! Focus on that.

Just to clarify, in case I wasn't clear: move on from him. Unfriend him whilst you're at it too. 6 months is long enough to know if it's working and it will never be easier than now to end it. One day, you will look back on your 20s - let it be a happy, fun-filled, life-affirming memory and not a miserable, confused, self-doubting one.

I'm going through a similar thing but as the man...... girl I had been dating for a few months (she is 25, I'm 33 having come out of a long term relationship with two young boys). I've been fairly relaxed about it. Always admired her maturity but possibly I have been blinkered by wanting to see things that were not possibly there.

About 2 months ago we started talking about 'us ' and although we had never made our relationship official it was apparent she was getting second thoughts as she said she didn't want a serious committed relationship (not with me or with anyone) with the usual excuses.

She then bought up the name of some guy she met at work...... her head had clearly been turned. Said she was going for a drink with him but it wasn't anything..... about 2 weeks later she said she wanted to end (the sexual) part of our relationship but really didn't want to lose me as a friend. I said fine..... not how I saw things developing but if that's what you want then fair enough (I don't have any close female friends so generally interested in giving it a go). I said to make transition possible we need a period of no contact. She agreed. At this point I'm relaxed and she is the one who is upset / crying etc. Anyway 2 days into no contact I start getting random texts late at night..... phone calls about how she misses me etc. Maybe this is a mistake etc. Etc. Fast forward 3 or so weeks we meet for a drink (as 'friends').... but we are so comfortable in each other's company that there is touching/ kissing etc. But she says she doesn't want a relationship with me..... fine I say (although hurting inside as I really do like her). Turns out she has gone on 3/4 dates / drinks with this guy and they have kissed but nothing more. I'm like ok, here I am thinking you are considering our possible future but no. Your head has been turned..... but at the same time she says she's not into him (she wanted to be but he's a bit boring and I've set the bar so high etc etc that she doesn't think she'll see him again).

We then meet up again and we both agree our relationship needs to end but we then end up kissing again as so comfortable with each other..... Fast forward about a week I'm getting ready to go out, she calls me saying how she really wants to have sex with me..... I think fuck it why not. So she comes round and we have great sex before I go out for the evening..... contact then cools off between us. And she pretty much says what happened was a mistake and there is no us..... fine. I think we can be best friends instead.

I then meet a girl through work. We go on a few dates and kiss a bit but I'm not really feeling it. But have a date with her lined up, with sex pretty much my only motive (I know, not good)

I then meet up with the girl I had been seeing for dinner..... we had a great time. Then start talking about us and she says oh you'll be fine, you'll be able to meet lots of women interested in you etc. Well I say actually I have...... how her face / mood changed...... major rush of jealousy. She then says well just for the record she did have sex with work colleague (previously when asked she said no)..... we then have our first ever kind of fight..... but I'm pretty call. I tell her that this girl from work doesn't mean anything and in fact will cancel the drink as it's not fair to use her. I cancel the next day.

Since this fight though she has been a different person and we have grown really close again but without sex (lots of kissing)..... and I'm thinking perhaps she wants to move forward but ahhhhh! I sound like a teenager and should just end it. The point is though I really like her but these hot and cold tactics are not healthy but I don't think she is doing it intentionally and is generally confused!

He doesn't want to be with you, his actions show that. But he's not telling you straightforward as he wants to keep you for " just in case". You deserve more than to be some guy's back up. After 6 months if it was all going in the right direction, things would be heating up not cooling down. Relationships really shouldn't be this hard, especially in the early days. Him making you feel crap and confused is a bad start to something more long term. I would move on and not look back.

You sound needy.

And you are both playing games.

Let him go. Ignore the drama. Get on with getting some real life experience, rather than TOWIE drama and tears and high tension and passion...

Neither of you are ready for an adult relationship.

Sounds like he's been pretty straight up actually. He said he didn't realise how stressful being in a relationship would be. From your description I can see what he's talking about! Relationships don't need to be stressful.

Be coooool is what he's saying. Take it easy, have fun, don't stress an unanswered text or not meeting his friends - that's what he wants - a chilled relationship. He's not entitled to that from you though. You may not be that kind of girl, that's fine! If you don't roll like that, don't force it, it won't make you happy. It just won't be him you're meant to be with.