Wil I ever feel the butterflies again?

[isitmyturnyet]

Was at my best friends house tonight. She has been seeing a new guy for just over a year (she’s know him since she was a young teenager). It was nice to see her happy after splitting with her husband, three kids with him, the “new” guy a widower, etc.

But it made me really want someone for me. I’m 36, had no real serious relationships, despite one DC13 to my “teenage sweetheart”. One guy since then who I worshipped over many years, but screwed me over every few years.

I want to feel the butterflies, feel like taking a chance, blah blah blah. Is there any point at my age?? Is it it ever the same? I’ve had many opportunity and never felt it was right, never seen any potential. Am I too late? Have I wasted my “best years” on two complete wasters??

Too many typos, so sorry!

Don't look back. You learnt great lessons and that is a treasure. You have a DC too. A lot of people will kill to be in your place.
Do you have a full time job? Can you get into hobbies, things that you would really like to do? Your DC is older and you can certainly make some time to go out and have some time to yourself.
You need to pamper yourself too. May be overhaul your wardrobe and get your hair done? you have done hard work. time to have some fun.

I have a full time job, with the potential for it to be a really good career if I want. But at the moment, having recently bought our flat and earning a little bit more, I want to enjoy that, move up the property ladder etc, enjoy the little extra money for me, etc. I’m not interested in ever being “rich and successful”, just comfortable and content will do me.

And you’re right DS doesn’t need me so much, I’m keen to take more care of my appearance, social life, etc. Just felt like a whinge. Don’t known where to start. Not keen on OLD and meeting people in the pub never goes anywhere.

that sounds like a great life to me! you have done very well!
As for OLD, I know it sounds futile generally but we do hear good experiences on Mumsnet. But I agree that the best way to surround yourself with potentially like minded people is to actually start doing something you really really like and is a passion. That can be your work even! Do you have a hobby you would love to pursue and never had time to do it?
It is the best time of the year to draw a bucket list for 2018. It will help you look forward to things that are exciting.

When you are 70 you will look back on your 36 year old self and say "I was so young! How could I not see it?!"

There's every point at your age!

I’ve lived enough life to know money and success are far from the be all and end all! The hobby I’m keen on pursuing is predominantly female based (jewellery making). But I do need to get back to the gym or at least get out and get active, I fancy hill walking or similar. I KNOW deep down that I’m not entirely past it, it’s just that I’ve spent a long, long time pushing people away that I now see in happy relationships, and while I’m happy for them, I think “maybe I should have given that a bash”. But I’m a the type of person where either really feel or I don’t. Or so I thought! That and I was too hung up on the second waster

You overthink too much

I met the love of my life aged 40 after 2 beautiful children and a failed marriage. After 3 years I still get butterflies at the thought of seeing him. We both have children and they get along fantastically. There is every point ‘at your age’! Go and find your butterflies, they’re out there 😊

Thank you Pez. That’s encouraging! Selfish as it sounds, I’m not sure I’m keen on meeting someone with kids of their own, which at my age is unlikely! I need to open my mind and not be so fussy. I know that’s part of my problem.

OMG you say at your age yet 36 is young! I am 42 and found love again last year! I get butterflies every single day! You definitely should find butterflies!

I want to Fanta. I guess I just think of all the time I’ve already wasted that could have been spent making nice memories, experiencing “things” with a partner, etc. I’ve not so much as had a proper date, or an overnight hotel stay with a partner since I was 19, let alone a holiday with one. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much. And it’s nothing to do with having DC. He goes to his dads plenty and I have time for me, I’ve just not got much to show for it and feel like people must see me as a big odd. Every time I meet someone I’ve not seen for a while, is the usual, “and what about you, you seeing anyone?”, and I always have to say no and brush it off.

Anyway, maybe this year!

You've not had at least a proper date in 15 years op?
Can you figure out why that is?

I'm a few years younger than you and would personally be more wary of dating men who didn't have children of their own, just because I have my children now and i'm trying to build a life for myself and I don't see myself having more children in the future, I think it would cause me a lot of anxiety if the relationship became more serious that he might eventually want children, is there a particular reason you don't want to date men with children of their own?

To go back to your OP, no you are not too late and you absolutely can feel butterflies again!

It's absolutely not too late! And whilst OLD gets a bad press, I actually think it's really helpful. Not necessarily because you'll meet you perfect partner that way (although you might!) but more it sort of acts as a reminder how to date people... Which means you might pick up on signals from others you might have otherwise missed!

Poll I was too hung up on the second guy, always hoping it would work out, plus a few other reasons, I guess. I suppose I don’t really know how to date, I can’t be bothered with the awkwardness if I decide I don’t like someone, I feel I’m not interesting enough for someone. But up I til recently I did feel there was no point trying with anyone else when I still had feelings for someone else.

Re not dating a guy with kids, I worry about that - meeting someone who later decides he wants them - but I’ve done the majority of my parenting bit. It’s one thing for me to manage my life around my own DC. Now that he’s older, I don’t want to start having to consider someone else’s I know that’s selfish, but better that than trying it and regretting it two years down the line, surely.