4th date - do you think this guy is thinking sex? And should I just go for it?

[CitizenQueen]

Gah! Had first date with OLD guy on Dec 1st. It went really well and we've had two more dates since then (holiday season has meant we've both had limited availability).

We're having date no.4 on Friday and he has suggested a couple of options (him coming to my city which is what has happened for every other date) or I could go to his house. The implication is that that would be for sex, right? He hasn't pushed the issue at all and is more than happy to just do what we've done on previous dates (with him getting last train home).

God knows I want to. It's been 7 months since I last had any 😂 and he is gorgeous. I want to climb him like a tree to be brutally honest .

We definitely have sexual chemistry. There have been some very heated snogging sessions on previous dates.

But we haven't had any sort of chat about exclusivity/what we're looking for from this as yet. I have DC, he doesn't. He's an hour away from me. I'm looking for someone I can see when I'm child-free for fun adult time. If he's looking for a wife and babies he's barking up the wrong tree (my OLD profile said all this so presume he knows!). Our conversations in person have been mostly about mutual interests/fluffy stuff and have been really good fun but it hasn't felt natural to start talking about heavier stuff (we did touch on previous relationships last time.)

We text a lot and have been sharing snaps of all our Christmas celebrations etc over the holidays. He's told his family about me. So it appears that we're dating but it hasn't been overtly said/agreed .

I guess I'm a bit wary of having sex with him then and then him buggering off (last relationship ended with me being ghosted so I might be a bit paranoid). Thing is, I could handle that as I'm not totally averse to the idea of some no strings sex but I'm definitely feeling a wee bit hesitant.

I also feel like boiled shite after all the Xmas excess, not the ideal time to be getting your kit off in front of someone for the first time 😂.

Anyone got any advice for me?

I suspect there may be more prudent replies than mine coming, but if you fancy him and aren't concerned about it being serious, shag the arse off him and have some fun!

Yes I’d imagine he thinks sex is on the cards. If you want sex then have it, you’re an adult! If you’re that concerned you could always have a conversation about expectations beforehand.

Thanks both.

Think I'm going to accept his invitation.

😱😂🤣

I would definitely bang him first before thinking long term. If he's shit in bed then you've only wasted 4 dates, right? If he's good then you can start having the long-term convo.

Do it but long term you probs need to be clear about what you want - you don't want to be wife material so its probably not fair on him if that is what he is after yet on the other hand you're scared he might do one - so do you want committed but casual - or a FB...? If there's no chance of long term he might be after something serious - I would DTD and then see where the conversation leads!

If you fancy him that much then just do it!
Although I would be a bit wary of going to his house as you've only had 3 dates.
Can he not come to yours? Or maybe suggest a night in a different town/city and book into a hotel, seperate rooms? Or not

This it it Ford.

Best case scenario: I go, we have some really really good sex and continue to do so as and when possible.

Worst case scenario: the sex is awful. I leave the next morning. We either agree it's not worth pursuing or we're both cowards and let the contact just fizzle out. Move on to the next first date.

I can live with either of those although I know which I'd prefer 😂.

I agree with NotTheFord

And in answer to your question OP, he was probably thinking that after the 1st date

To clarify: I don't want a traditional relationship. Don't want to co-habit or marry. But I'd like to have one person I see a few times a week/eow and would ideally prefer to be the only person they're having sex with. I realise that's unconventional which is why I feel like we need to talk about it all.

I've told him I don't want more kids and we chat openly about both liking living alone/our own space.

TheNaze he did text me from the train after date no.1 and said that he wanted to f**k me as soon as he saw me walk into the bar (was wearing a very vavavoom little black dress) 😆.

I don't want to be presumptuous but I have a feeling it would be good.

Will update of course 😂

Why don't you tell him what you've said here?

ferris I don't know. Like I said, conversation hasn't naturally gone in that direction and I felt like it would be a bit off-putting if I started asking what he wants etc.

Don't want to bring it up via text as so much tone is lost that way and it can be easy to misunderstand each other.

You advise that he if he is "looking for a wife and kids then his barking up the wrong tree" but then also say you don't want him to just run off after sex? If i was a bloke I'd be very confused by these two statements...

Then you talk about exclusivity , if this is important to you then I'd talk to him first before jumping into bed with him as he may have gotten the wrong impression ...your online dating profile bio - you stated that that you're not looking for anything serious ....

Go for it!

So it was all planned. Spent last night pampering, choosing underwear, painting my toenails and trimming and tweezing unmentionable things all while veering between feeling sick with nerves and giddy with excitement.

Woke up to find I've been snowed in 😐😂. The universe is laughing at me and my dirty plans.

We've rearranged. Going to use the extra time to ask some gently probing questions and get some more info out of him. As I said upthread, however unconventional my long-term relationship goals are, I'd like to know I'm the only person someone is seeing before I sleep with them. I know this comes down to trusting and believing what the person tells you so isn't infallible but I think I'm a pretty good judge of character and he seems nothing but honest and genuine.

Thanks for the advice everyone .

To be honest, I wouldn’t be keen on anyone who texted me that after a first date, (even if they thought it) but I guess we are all different

I'd say go for it. As long as afterwards if you don't see him again you won't be upset and wish you hadn't. I'd be a bit confused with what you're saying. You want a long term relationship but not too long term. I don't think it sounds as if that's what he's looking for. He's looking for very short term and then when he meets the right person long term. That would be my assessment. Could be wrong of course.

Just read what he texted. Hmm not sure now. Don't think I'd see somebody who did that. Not very respectful. I'd think he was a bit pervy.

"But I'd like to have one person I see a few times a week/eow and would ideally prefer to be the only person they're having sex with. I realise that's unconventional"

How is that unconventional?

OP I don't find what you want as remotely unconventional and I don't find him saying he wants to fuck you as being remotely pervy. It sounds like you should just speak up, shag him and have a ball together as you figure things out.

If you put on your profile that you're looking for fun rather than marriage and kids then I'd assume he's just after sex.

I agree with beenthere. This is all perfectly normal and acceptable in the dating world.

I agree with villamaria. That and the very direct four letter word in the text after the first date.

@CitizenQueen

I think the worst case scenario is actually that the sex is fantastic and you really enjoy it but you never hear from him again

The kind of set up you want is possible (I have it) but you might have to kiss a few lying toads to get there. Best of luck x

Soooooo, did you do the deed?!