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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

how many could-you-do-me-a-favour-and-pick-dd-up-from-schoo type friends do you have

27 replies

hatwoman · 23/04/2007 17:49

I have a minor logistical hitch which means that I can't pick dds up from school on thursday next week. it's not a big deal and I'm not after suggestions of ways round it. I have one unpaid idea, and one paying one and hope one of them will come off. the whole thing has made me feel a bit sad though. 7 years after having dd1 - and not having moved out of the area - I don;t really have any local friends that I feel I could ask this small favour of. dd1's best friend's mum is lovely and wouldn;t mind me asking. but that's it really - no-one else to ask. I'd have thought I'd have more of a network by now and maybe even have made what I call proper friends out of this having a kid lark. but I really don;t think I have. lost touch with all my nct people; found dd1 nursery and reception coffee crowd nice enough but a bit too mumsy and officious. dd2's lot I'm too busy working. am I unusual?

OP posts:
tassis · 23/04/2007 17:52

I have SIL and best friend from uni so that helps a lot

Also a couple of friends from church who I'd ask without worrying and probably a whole lot of others who'd be very happy to be asked but I'm rubbish at asking people I don't know well

Someone who I don't know very well phoned me last week and asked me to pick up her dd and I was delighted though...and ds was pretty pleased to have her too. Point being sometimes you have to just go for it and make the first move.

bonkerz · 23/04/2007 17:53

It took me 2 years to get a group of friends at the school DS attends. Now i have maybe 3 or 4 people i know i could ask to pick up DS. The best bit is they know they can ask me and do! Infact i have one boy here tonight cos his mums got to work late!! Not sure what to suggest except just casually mentioning to other mums about emergency help.

iota · 23/04/2007 17:53

I'd ask anyone whose child had been to tea and vice versa

Gobbledigook · 23/04/2007 17:54

Hmm, I have quite a lot of people I could ask. Probably around 6 or 7 people I know wouldn't bat an eyelid if I asked them, a couple who we do this for each other all the time, another few I wouldn't normally ask but I know they'd be fine with it.

I've made lots of friends through school through being there in the mornings and afternoons, going to kids parties, nights out and also being on the PTA committee.

DO you not chat to people in teh playground? I guess it's just a matter of whether you 'click' with people.

MarsLady · 23/04/2007 17:54

I agree with tassis... sometimes you just have to make the first move. I have a few people who know that they can call me and me them so it works out.

But do think about DD's particular friends and give those mums a shout. Hope you look back soon and think "wow, there are loads I can ask"

hoxtonchick · 23/04/2007 17:55

i have 4 or 5 people at school i could ring (did so today in fact.......), & probably the same number for nursery. i think the area we live in is particularly friendly & am really pleased about that. dd is at nursery with lots of siblings of ds's friends which is great.

Original poster
hatwoman · 23/04/2007 17:55

what would you do with two of them though? ask two different mums? maybe it's that aspect that's holding me back, as I can;t think of anyone - apart from one person - that I could ask to have both of them 9and it's only for literally 15-20 minutes, possibly even less!)

OP posts:
Original poster
hatwoman · 23/04/2007 17:56

ok. keep 'em coming. make me feel like a total freak. you all have more friends than me. I get the message

OP posts:
iota · 23/04/2007 17:56

I'd ask a mum with a people ,carrier if there were 2 to collect

saadia · 23/04/2007 17:57

I have one friend I would call without a second thought and three or four others I would call if I was really desperate, but I would exhaust all other options - getting mum over, or getting dh to take leave - first.

foxinsocks · 23/04/2007 17:57

I have probably 3 (from dd's class) who would happily have both children. Maybe another 3 from ds's class who would def have him and probably dd at a push. Probably others who I don't consider friends but would do me a favour if I needed it done.

But I REALLY went for it in making these friends - with dh away/not around a lot and no family nearby, I knew I needed to make a proper local network of people I could rely upon (and vice versa, they can rely on me).

iota · 23/04/2007 17:58

seriously though, if it's only for 20 mins I wold ask one of ds1's friends parents to get them both ( on the grounds that we've been doing playdates with each other for 3 yrs)

kookaburra · 23/04/2007 17:58

I find the problem is that kids have such hectic post-school activities schedules that I am loath to ask anyone because I know they will be most likely rushing off to swimming etc. Am very lucky with DS2 friends who have a lovely set of mums & nannies - but would not be fair to ask thm to take DS1 whom they don't know - my great failure is never having been anble to connect properly wioth DS1's class mates mums. (They are virtually all younger siblings so the network had already ben established - they had enough friends and I was too timid to try to break inot the clique - DS2's classmates are predominately eldest born and the mums much friendlier....)

filthymindedvixen · 23/04/2007 17:58

I have a couple of people who would, but I realy wouldn't like to ask them as for various reasons, I know it would be hard for them (i have 2 kids at same school, so, obv, if they have 3 kids, that rules them out straightaway. And 3 of my good friends at school have 3 kids...Then one has a new baby so that makes me feel I couldn;'t ask. Another one has health problems.)
My best mate in the world lives next door, but she works til 6pm...
I understand how you feel hatwoman.
Having said that, once in an emergency i asked a woman who I had only met once - just because I had her phone number on a party invite. She couldn't have been nicer about it. Think like Tassis says, many of us are in the same boat.

foxinsocks · 23/04/2007 17:59

lol hat . Isn't your second dd not that far into school? You'll probably find you'll make friends with some of the parents in her class in time too.

Califrau · 23/04/2007 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 23/04/2007 18:00

I have about 8 friends I'd be happy to call and ask to pick up DS and take him to their home and about 4 more who could pick up and drop him off home

Twiglett · 23/04/2007 18:00

the trick is inviting kids (and their parents) back for playdates

iota · 23/04/2007 18:01

I quite agree Twig

brimfull · 23/04/2007 18:01

about 5 I wouldn't think twice about asking ,about another 5 I might feel a bit grovelly but would do it for their dc's so wouldn't feel too bad asking.

hoxtonchick · 23/04/2007 18:02

i don't tend to ask people to have dd as she is only 22 months. but if necessary, i think all of those on both my lists would get both of them. i'll shut up now .

SherlockLGJ · 23/04/2007 18:03

Quite a few, but only because I am aware that I have no family around me.

PinkTulips · 23/04/2007 18:04

where we live..... none.

iota · 23/04/2007 18:06

a friend of mine asked me to pick her 2 up as she was stuck on a delayed train - I happened to be taking my 2 to the dentist after school, so I ended up trailing 4 kids into the dental surgery

it really is no big deal to mind a couple of extras for 20 mins - hatwoman go for it and ask someone

beckybrastraps · 23/04/2007 18:13

IME, actually asking for help like this can help forge this sort of relationship. I agonised over asking and was thrilled when someone asked me to do it for them, because it gave me an 'in' as it were. Now I have quite a few people with whom I make reciprocal arrangements. Once I had done it once, it was much easier to do it again.