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Original poster

He finally admitted

23 replies

hedidittttt · 27/12/2017 00:09

He finally admitted that he just doesn't love me anymore.

10 years of relationship, 1 child later and last few months during which he treated me appallingly. Few moths where he got so depressed I was sick worried about him.

He would not talk, he would not engage, he would not take his happy pills, he was rude and grumpy.

2 moths ago finally admitted he thinks about leaving, but would not do anything about it!

He apparently hated that I'm so upset about the situation, but he would not be straight with me, would not tell me what's gone wrong, he was depressed.

After dreadful xmass with his family (as it seems they all knew before me, how he feels about me) he admitted that he just doesn't love me anymore....

I think it's just so cruel to let me hang to hope we can fix things, when he felt that way all the time, (we even went counselling)

OP posts:
hesterton · 27/12/2017 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Margaritaanyone89 · 27/12/2017 00:22

This sounds horrific, I am so sorry this has happened :( If he has let his family know before you, this is appalling. You deserve someone who loves & cherishes you Flowers

Barkybarkynutnut · 27/12/2017 00:22

Now you know. It hurts like hell but take hold of the situation. Tell him to go. Make a plan for you and your LO. Good luck. Youre better off without him.

BackInTheRoom · 27/12/2017 00:23

Hi OP, i don't want to make you feel bad but what you're describing sounds like what happened to me. It turned out there was an OW...

Original poster
hedidittttt · 27/12/2017 00:39

Thanks for your replies. It's painful I feel like I've been repeatedly stabbed in the same place, but it's kind of liberating at the same time.
I finally got him to tell me this words.

After months of being treated like a full.

Worried about him mental health, trying to make everything better..

It seems like he told his family before me, yes. I m guessing this as I was looking help from his mum to get him treatment ( I thought he might need) at first she was supportive. But after a while she started to backing off. saying he's an adult and she can made him to do anything etc. it transpires that she knew that it's over well before me.

I feel really pathetic. I spent today whole day with his fam and they all knew, before me. ( I could sense how surprised they were that I show up) It was so embarrassing!!!

OP posts:
BackInTheRoom · 27/12/2017 00:43

Did he say he loves you but he's not in love with you?

Original poster
hedidittttt · 27/12/2017 00:44

As far I know there is no ow, but at the moment nothing would surprise me....

He supposed to move out in the new year. Now he told me he won't do this or maybe he will...

Seriously I'm living in some sort of nightmare.
If I could afford it have somewhere to go I would go.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 27/12/2017 00:45

his behaviour and disrespect of you.. the Mother of his Child .. is disgusting.. to have the brass neck to tell everyone before telling you that he no longer loves you is just disgusting... he's a Coward...

you are well rid of this Clown OP.... Flowers

Original poster
hedidittttt · 27/12/2017 00:49

He's been rounding subject for months. When I asked directly e.g. do you find me attractive he would respond -of course you are attractive.
And shit like I care about you, I do love yob bug not the way you want me to etc.

Today for the first time he said I don't have this kind of feelings for you I don't love you, which is fair enough, but I would appreciate this few months ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
hedidittttt · 27/12/2017 00:54

Gemini, yes he is a coward, big time!!!

Everything seems so clear know. I was looking for some stressor that triggered his depression but couldn't think about anything.

Now everything seems so clear. He realised he's feelings and he doesn't see us going forward few months ago, but instead of communicate this he choose to treat me like a shit, stop taking his meds and binge drinking because he didn't have a guts to tell me.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 27/12/2017 01:01

I'd only have necessary child related discussions with him.

No divorce required....start discussing how to separate.

You also need to emotionally detach yourself for your own protection.

BackInTheRoom · 27/12/2017 02:08

OP, have you read 'The Script'?

Original poster
hedidittttt · 27/12/2017 06:29

What is the script?

OP posts:
ChickenMom · 27/12/2017 06:45

So sorry OP. This is awful. Do you have a friend or family you could go to for a few days? You need space away from him. Why can’t he leave? Say to him “you’ve ripped our lives apart. You’ve told me you don’t love me anymore. It’s obviousky over so you need to be a man and leave. Put your money where your mouth is. If you feel this way you need to give me space now to think about what I want. Go to a hotel or go to your mothers” make him leave OP. He can’t treat you like that and then expect to live with the comforts of having you around. Are you cooking and cleaning for him? Stop. Are you in the same bed? Tell him he is now on the sofa. It’s all well and good deciding and telling his family it’s over but he now needs to feel the reality of that decision. Don’t beg or cry or plead with him anymore. It’s time to do something. Message his mother and say “you said he’s an adult and you can’t make him do anything well could you please tell him this. Tell him he’s an adult and if he’s serious that he doesn’t love me anymore then he needs to be an adult and leave. Time for him man up” they’ve all treated you appallingly. Don’t stand for it op. Your mental health and happiness will be so much better once he’s gone. You can focus all your energy on you and your child and not him

Original poster
hedidittttt · 27/12/2017 07:12

Chickenmom thank you, i would love to cut him out completley out of my life but really cant see this happening, dont know how...

I told him few weeks before xmass that I want him out and he agreed, but then spoke to his family and been advised to stay put... so that's what he is doing now... ( he can't afford to run two houses bla blah blah)

I don't think I can force him out of the house, but don't want to play family anymore as well.

I would never try to stop him or pleaded with him if he would be honest with me from the beginning and he knows that. I ve been saying that for the whole time. If u don't love me or if you want to leave I will never stop you. Can't imagine anything worse than being with someone who doesn't have any feelings for me, but here we are...

OP posts:
Original poster
hedidittttt · 27/12/2017 07:13

Sadly I don't have anyone I could stay with otherwise I would be long gone...

OP posts:
Muddlingalongalone · 27/12/2017 07:21

OP best of luck. This all sounds incredibly familiar to me sadly. Agree with app's it screams ow to me, but then it was in my case.
Sounds like you need legal advice.
Good luck. What a horrible thing to happen at Christmas. Remember to put yourself first, detach, you can't make him love you. It will all be ok in the end though OP Flowers

ALittleBitConfused1 · 27/12/2017 07:50

I don't think right now you should be worrying whether he has someone else or not, you have enough to deal with. I don't know whether there is more to this or not but surely not every man who ends a relationship is a cheat.
I can see how horrible it must have felt knowing that others knew before you but then I can also see why he would have spoken to his mum, immediate family. I confused in my sibling when my marriage was coming to an end.
I know it's awful and you are obviously heartbroken, but from what you've said, on the face of it I don't think he's a coward or has strung you along purposely. I just think that obviously realising how he feels and coming to this conclusion has obviously been emotionally very hard and has taken his toll.
I'm sorry for what you're going through the end of a relationship is always tough, but if what he's told you is the full truth it doesn't sound like anyone's fault. I wish you luck op.xx

ALittleBitConfused1 · 27/12/2017 07:51

Confessed not confused.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 27/12/2017 07:52

Sorry cconfided not confused, it's too early for me.xx

Humpsfor20yards · 27/12/2017 08:12

I'm sorry for what you're going through the end of a relationship is always tough, but if what he's told you is the full truth it doesn't sound like anyone's fault.

Relationships end -however there is no need to treat the other person appallingly and this is what he is doing.

When you want out, you go, you don't hang around when you know the other person loves you. He has to leave, op.

Original poster
hedidittttt · 27/12/2017 08:18

Thanks Confused. I know I can blame him for not living me etc, the think I'm upset about is that he knew this for at least 6 months and instead of being honest he choose to treat me poorly. I mean he would not speak to me at all, he would respond with one word to everything I asked him about, he would walk off while I was trying to talk to him. We went in hol with his fam and he did ignore me for the whole week, because he knew he doesn't love me and when I confronted him when we got back, he told me that holiday clearly showed we don't get along...

He string me along with Of course I care about you, I don't want to throw everything away for two months, (because he wanted quiet xmass )

We went counselling and not even once he admitted how he is feeling.

Dishonesty hurts the most, I can probably can come over the fact he doesn't love me (nothing you can do about it) but the treatment I got because of that is pure evil.

OP posts:
wednesdayswench · 27/12/2017 08:40

He really needs to leave so you can both move on. If he wants out if the relationship then that means out.

Hanging around is so unfair in you.

At the very least he should move out if your bedroom, stop cooking for him, separate finances, don't do his laundry anymore etc.

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