How can I leave him?

[CathysGhost]

I've been checked out mentally from my marriage for a while now. Since my second child was born 3 years ago, I've been trying to sort out the issues with dh but I've felt like I've been doing it alone tbh.

Recently, I told him I'd had enough and I wanted out but I don't think it registered. Well, last night it did and he scared the hell out of me. Crying hysterically about not wanting to live without his kids, saying he loved me, talking about my mental issues (I had PND and lots of unresolved anxiety over a severe illness my brother had when we were teens). I feel like he's backed me into a corner over staying. I don't want to. But, I can't face all that again. It was scary and absolutely heartbreaking. How the hell can I do this? Can I make him want to get rid of me so it's 'easier'? I just want out, with no acrimony, just a calm life for both of us.

Don’t try and make him want to get rid of you, that sounds exhausting. Make a practical plan and just present it as a done deal. If necessary get a family member or friend to be there to help calm things down.
Is there a risk he will be violent? If so, talk to womens aid and get a plan in place.

You have decided what you want OP and you cannot be controlled by his passive aggressive behaviour.
Seek advice on what you need to do and how you stand financially.
Then proceed.
If he becomes abusive or you start to become afraid then seek immediate assistance.

He was crying and weeping, it was awful. I could go and live with my mum for a bit if needs be, it would be hard but doable for a week I or so til I found somewhere.
I don't want to ruin his life but I don't want to live in misery either

Have you thought about individual or joint counselling, just to get some support with this? It could help you both in transitioning into not being together.

don’t stay with him out of pity. That’s not a route to happiness for either of you.

Could you try counselling? Not to try and get back together but to both come to terms with and plan for the split?

I would def try that. I don't know if he would though. I'd have to get him to 'agree' to split to get to that point iyswim

You could have those conversations in counselling? Or if he really won’t go then going on your own could still be really helpful. I felt a lot stronger after some counselling sessions.

Don't be controlled by him. He had the chance to work with you and he didn't.