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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Subtle signs of controlling behaviour

13 replies

Xmasballsup · 26/12/2017 15:50

Relatively newly divorced, been seeing a guy for the last 2 months, Ive been no contact for 7 days now as I suspect he is a huge control freak and my gut is telling me to avoid, however, I’ve been out of the dating game for 15 years so I don’t know whether I’m just being paranoid.

The signs are really subtle (if they exist at all). He keeps me hanging, doesn’t contact me for days on end but always comes back, I know nothing about his life, he is hugely guarded and diverts any questions I ask. He asks me loads of questions, where am I going, who am I seeing, what am I doing. He asked me why I was wearing my hair differently and when I didn’t answer he asked me again. Every contact has to be on his terms. He tells me he’ll call me tomo but he never does, it’s always days later. I suspect he’s either married or just a player so I’m not going to see him again but I’m wondering if just reading too much into things.

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 26/12/2017 16:02

Your instincts are right.

NewLove · 26/12/2017 16:03

Your instincts are right. Regardless of controlling behaviour or not, do you really want to be with someone who shows you so little regard?

stilltheykeepcoming · 26/12/2017 16:09

Those signs aren't subtle - they are trumpeting from the rooftops that everything has to be on his terms.

Dump him.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 26/12/2017 16:11

Ugh, I'd get as far as possible from this man.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 26/12/2017 16:13

Your gut is right. Avoid.

WhooooAmI24601 · 26/12/2017 16:16

Nope, they're not even subtle signs. Cut him off at the knees and don't have any contact again.

Flowers though; it must be incredibly tough putting yourself on the line like this after 15 years. The next one will be better!

Smeaton · 26/12/2017 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trackrBird · 26/12/2017 16:18

He has a life you don’t know about and is seeing you on the quiet. Not a nice guy. Time to move on.

Xmasballsup · 26/12/2017 16:30

Yes reading my post it does seem rather obvious Confused

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 27/12/2017 23:32

Not subtle at all!!

SendintheArdwolves · 28/12/2017 11:59

Your instincts are bang on, OP, and you should pat yourself on the back for listening to them.

If you get that warning sign, that gut feeling, you should always, always listen to it. It is smarter than you are, and it's trying to keep you safe.

Yiu have saved yourself a lot of heartache and wasted time. And you also know your radar is in good working order :)

KarmaStar · 28/12/2017 12:03

Follow your gut feelings OP,there is something wrong here.
Run as fast as you can
There are decent single men out there,he is not one of them.

Ellisandra · 28/12/2017 12:31

I don't think it even matters whether he is controlling anc whether the signs are subtle.

When someone says they'll call, then doesn't bother - dump, end of.

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