I'm sorry if you have read my posts re - my mum, before. I don't have anyone in rl to talk to. I promise this is my last post, I just need some reassuring. I am planning to start a fresh in 2018 with it all. It's long but I would really appreciate a friend!
If you could just tell me if I'm doing the right thing...
A bit about my past - parents divorced and it was an awful split. Me and my 2 siblings separated, I lived with my mum and new step dad (my dad's best friend). My dad was so so angry he threw himself into that by tearing my mum apart every opportunity. I lost contact with him for many year, he was just interested in my brother.
My step dad - a very controlling, emotionally abusive man. I feel so much pain looking back on my younger self, how he treated me. My mum allowed it to happen. I remember times of breaking down, aged 17/18 and asking to allow me to visit but I wasn't allowed ( he said it's their time now as they work all week, they should have time together). I was so so lonely, suffered depression and I stopped looking after myself (took me 20 years to like myself as I had no clue how to). They would go on holiday every Christmas so they didn't have to do the Christmas thing. Spend so much money on new cars, new appliances etc and not buy us Christmas presents. There is so so much more emotional abuse and emotional neglect, but too long to explain.
20 years on - my mum divorced him 5 years ago and since tried to make out she has deep regrets (she must have as she completely failed us to the point my brother tried to take his own life).
In 5 years she has had 5 boyfriends. In between, being single, she falls apart and gets so depressed. She needs a man to be happy. During the single times that's when we see her. She makes out she wants a family and has financially helped me out in the past when my exh left. During the times she is with a man, we hardly see her and if I'm struggling with anything (childcare or financially) she doesn't care. Not that I expect this in anyway as I get by on my nursing bursary but just trying to explain how she is. When she's single she might say about going out for food or last year took us away to a hotel for a night as she had split with one boyfriend. A few months back invited us for dinner ( done this about 4 times in 5 years). I thought, oh this is nice but she then explained her man friend had let her down. It's like we are convienient. When not single she would never think about asking us anywhere. She has watched me struggle.
So sorry for long post.....anyway I decided to confront her and say how lovely it would be to do family things but she hasn't made any effort. She continues to find happiness in a man. Recent man, she now works for so in the middle of my degree said she can't look after my dc's (not that she did alot anyway but I have no one else). I don't want anything but her time! Her love! I told her that when a man is around she doesn't care. I also said i have many scars mentally to prove it. She said I was being mean. She has stopped talking to me, this was 6 weeks ago.
She doesn't care does she? I need to let go and move on. She rang my dc's yesterday but didn't ask to talk to me. I have spent years trying to help her see happiness in her family. My 2 siblings don't bother, it's always been me inviting her, calling her. She continues to make me feel, I'm not important. I feel guilty because she has helped me out financially about 3 years ago) How do I move on from this? For good!
Thankyou for reading this very long post. Really need some friendly advice right now 😊