I shouldn't expect different but it still hurts.

[MycatsaPirate]

Firstly I rang my mum a couple of weeks ago and was told my dad had been taken into hospital by ambulance 5 days previously. He had been dishcharged but she hadn't told me. She said 'there's not point telling you, it's not like you can do anything'. She doesn't get that I would just like to know! We live about 5 miles from them.

And on the same phone call she told me they were just having a very quiet low key Christmas (I have invited them to us every year for the last 5 years since I moved nearer to them).

But thanks to Facebook, I see my sister, partner and nephew were round there for the day yesterday - pictures on my sisters page (my dp still has her on fb, I removed her).

No phone call, no reply to my text saying Happy Christmas, nothing.

It's like I don't exist. I haven't spent Xmas day with my parents since 2000. My sister spends every Christmas with them. She also lives very local.

I shouldn't let it affect me but it hurts. There were relatives down earlier this year and my sister posted photos of them all out having a fucking lovely family time which I wasn't even invited to.

Just fed up with being shut out.

They sound like utter bastards. Why would a family shut you out like that? It’s cruel and shocking.

But it is their failing and shows how lacking and mean they are. The sort of people I’d cross the street to avoid. Sorry you are being treated like that.

Boxing Day for you OP

Block them all on social media. Concentrate on your own life. Their loss if they aren't in it.
I am nc with dm and df and it's bloody great!!

It sounds like although you’re geographically close, if you call once a week/don’t visit them at home they don’t see you as very involved? You’re NC with your sister? I assume they aren’t supportive with regards to that?

Could you explain the hospital thing by asking if they would want your DH to tell them if you are taken into hospital?? It must have been so horrid for you to find out afterwards.

I am adopted. Sister isn't. If that makes it any more understandable.

We used to have a family get together before Xmas, my sister and her family, me, dp and my two dc, my parents. Last two get togethers my sister has made little digs at me or 'told me off' for saying stuff. I have a great relationship with my two DC and I had said something very jokey to DD1 (teenager) and my sister said 'I don't think that's very appropriate do you?'. It wasn't even rude or aggressive, just a bit of sarcasm (which is pretty normal in our house and we laugh at each other when we are sarcastic).

Sister is a bit stuck up. Spends a lot of time 'drinking wine' and doesn't seem to do anything else. It was one of the reasons I removed her on fb, that and the photo of her and my parents and other relatives all out together. My parents don't do social media and I have taken my sister off.

Things have a way of trickling back to me though. I just feel so down that I am not wanted.

DP's parents have both died, we had his sister and her husband over to us yesterday which was lovely.

My parents are due to come over to us tomorrow but can only stay for an hour or two because my dad isn't well.

I'd have to mention it just to hear what the answer excuses where.

Sounds horrible for you Op, I hope you had a nice day anyway.

Scary We don't do 'popping in' in this family. It's very frowned upon. You have to call and check if they are free first. I used to call weekly but if I ever suggested meeting up/going over, they were always busy,

In the end I stopped calling. I have been rejected so many times that it was easier if I pulled back.

As for my sister, I really don't care whether they are offended that I removed her on facebook or not. She never makes ANY effort with me, always has a little dig at me when I have seen her and quite honestly I get sick of her treating me like a naughty child. I am nearly 49 years old!!

My heart goes out to you.
Facebook can be a very bad way to find out the truth.
I think the most important focus needs to be on your sick Dad.
I would also have a clear and honest chat with your mum face to face and express your hurt.
Be strong. You are a good soul.

I think maybe cancel tomorrow and start the new year with a clean slate. They’re never going to be the parents you want them to. They’re just going to keep on hurting you

Oh my gosh. Just get rid. Vile with a capital V.

Get rid of them. Cut them off and cut them out. Forever. They will never change, they will get worse.

They are not worth all your great pain. Concentrate on those who love and value you. Ditch these revolting people for good.

My brother in law is in a similar situation to you ie treated differently by family. He is also adopted. It's nasty and uncalled for. He has had years of being blamed for everything and only being a family member when it suited. He has NC now and although a difficult decision he feels far happier for it. for you.

It's them, not you. I remember when I was young I knew a family who had adopted a child and then managed to conceive one of their own. The adopted child was absolutely lovely and their own child was a massive brat. Their obvious favouritism towards their biological child was apparent even to a child like me. I don't understand how you can love or treat children in your care differently.

I would go NC with them op. You're worth much more than being treated like this.