Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Obsessive friendship and how to break the cycle

8 replies

uggmum · 26/12/2017 07:25

I have a best friend who I adore. She has had a really difficult year and I have supported her throughout. It has got to the stage where I literally do everything for her/with her. She is really appreciative and I want to do it.
I feel that I prioritise her over my own life to a huge degree. I would do anything for her.
I’m now so overinvested that I feel it has become obsessive and I can’t break the cycle. In a lot of ways I don’t want to.
Due to a difficult childhood I like to feel needed.
It’s got to the point that I feel terrified that she won’t actually need me and i feel totally depressed and upset all the time (I do suffer from depression anyway). But I am feeling really anxious.
I hate this and at times I feel like I’m going mad I really do.
She says lovely things to me but I’m scared that I will eventually be rejected.
I’m totally fed up and it’s impacting me massively
Please do not flame me. I don’t even know what I’m asking really but I know I cannot go on like this.

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 26/12/2017 07:57

I feel exactly the same. I've been having counselling which is helping. No advice but you aren't alone x

OldBook · 26/12/2017 08:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
uggmum · 26/12/2017 15:11

Thank you both for your input. At times I feel that this is not normal. But I don't actually want to spend less time with her and I feel terribly conflicted

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 26/12/2017 15:14

It would be unfair to go NC, if she is not toxic. Can you spend more time with other people and on other interests?

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/12/2017 15:14

You are codependent. It would be worth reading up on it.

The term is most commonly used about people who support addicts but anyone who pours their energy into supporting others is codependent as well.

There’s a good book called Codependent No More. It might be enlightening for you to research the issue.

Original poster
uggmum · 26/12/2017 15:24

Codependent is probably the best description. It does make sense.
The thought of not being there is awful and I don't think I would cope at the moment

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 26/12/2017 15:34

Can you afford therapy to look at your own childhood? If not some therapy centres offer reduced fees.

Original poster
uggmum · 26/12/2017 16:33

That might be a good idea. I'm a total people pleaser. I always have been.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread