families and Christmas

[tombstoneteeth]

So another Christmas has gone by, with the most cursory of contact with my adult children/grandchildren. I haven't had anything from them for many years, other than a text, brief phonecall or in one case, a nice card. They have Christmas with their partners' families, and I am not invited. I regularly fly the 900 km to visit, 5 times this year and twice to my daughter abroad. Last trip down, 3 weeks ago, I took a huge case full of presents for everyone. Usually i take food, home-grown produce or baking, or else I post it during the year. One son has come up for one night to visit us in our retirement house, in which we have lived for 2 years now. I have decided not to spend any more money on them, no more gifts of money, goods or travel. WWYD? Am I just hung over and sad?

Do you invite them but they won't come?

We have decided amongsty family not to buy presents unless we're spending birthdays/Christmas together. Nobody needs anything and if we do, we tend to buy it ourselves. Do you want to spend Christmas with them? Have you asked?

They say it's too far, and that's understandable. But the in-laws want only their own family, plus spouses. No room for anyone else. Just a card would have been nice, with some acknowledgement...I don't want a gift

I’m sorry about that, you seem to have put so much effort in & little return.
Maybe for subsequent years put yourself first. Book a cruise/holiday over the festive period.
Don’t spend so much of your money/effort pandering to them.

Do something you’d like to do and keep your mind off it? Has it always been like that?
We always go to my in laws or well anywhere other than my parents. I know my mum finds it hurtful but I hate spending Christmas with them and now I’m an adult I don’t have to.
My mother has no idea how disrespectful she is, which is never going to change, I’ve accepted that now but it also means we make sure to not see them if we can help it.

I know it may seem harsh but if all you DC are behaving in this way I would look at your own behaviour etc first to see what’s pushing them away. Gifts tend to be irrelevant, my in laws got us nothing this year, I’d still rather spend the time with them.

Did you move away or did they?

"I know it may seem harsh but if all you DC are behaving in this way I would look at your own behaviour etc first to see what’s pushing them away" sorry but I have to agree.

Neither my brother nor I want to spend Christmas at my parents, with good reasons. Sis does but she is mums gc and also gets a LOT of financial and practical support and would not dare risk losing any inheritance. Bro and I don't give a shit about the money. Plenty of threads on here with similar stories of mners who have in the past had difficult Christmases with family or who have decided after yet another that they won't be putting their DC through another awkward/tense one.

Would it be because there is no room to stay at your retirement home and journey is too long for one day? Is your dh..their df a crank? Did ye move away from family and did they resent that? It is unusual no one wants to come or contact. Final question..do you drink too much...be honest...no one will visit a parent who gets drunk especially with small children? If you are not guilty of these things its very sad for you that they don't visit or even call.