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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ExMIL out of order?

6 replies

happygolulu · 25/12/2017 21:53

Recently split with DP after a big fall out over a meal arranged by his mother who didn't consult me. There were other factors too. Last year, I booked an early 40th birthday dinner for him and I to go to his favourite restaurant in London he had never been to. We had an absolutely wonderful and romantic time just the two of us. I also then booked our local pub for all his family and some friends to join us on another day to celebrate. His mother phoned me up and asked me to cancel the pub meal/do. She said he doesn't like fuss or parties. I said it was not a party, just a pub meal with family and about 10 couples (our closest friends joining us for drinks after). It was a surprise for him from me but I knew he would love it, small crowd. Anyhow MIL insisted he would not want it so I cancelled it and lied to friends giving a false reason. DP and I then went away for couple of weeks for his birthday and on our return, driving back from airport got a call from his mother saying she had booked the pub for dinner that same evening for all his family. I could not believe it. We went but I felt very strange about it all. She also then booked a month later to go to DP's favourite restaurant, the very one I had taken him to in London, for the romantic 40th meal, just the two of us. I have to say, that made me feel strangely uncomfortable too. Then this year, prior to his 41st birthday and without discussion, his mother sends a whatsapp message to all his family, saying she has booked his favourite steak restaurant. She didn't even check with me if I had anything planned! I was actually going to take him away to a nice hotel for the night, but I ended up thinking what's the point after about 12 of his family confirmed their seat at the steak restaurant. Apparently she had phoned and asked DP first but neither of them mentioned it to me. I couldn't decide if his mother was on my side or not. I tried to be friendly with her and we seemed to get on but I always something not quite right, that she was the key woman in his life not me. She walked out on him when he was 15, said she couldn't live with his dad. She is now in a 2nd marriage with a man she would like to leave but said she can't as she doesn't want to be twice divorced. DP and I had a big row prior to the steak restaurant meal as my children had not been invited by his mother or him and apparently there were 4 empty seats - theirs. I was meant to invite them apparently. Well my seat ended up empty too, long story and our relationship ended that weekend. I can't help but feel my would be MIL had not been helping matters. He moved out pretty soon after that and she rented him a new flat just around the corner from her. He is 41! As it is xmas I can't help but feel a bit sad as he was a nice guy, but I feel MIL tried to set me up to fail.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 25/12/2017 21:56

You were shafted by her

Angelf1sh · 25/12/2017 21:59

How could you have booked a meal at his favourite restaurant he’s never been to? It sounds like a weird reason to end a relationship to me.

happygolulu · 25/12/2017 22:03

Angelf1sh, I meant, favourite as in the restaurant he mosted wanted to go to, the one that was the top of his wish list to visit. He was a foodie and it was his dream to go there.

OP posts:
CarliseT · 25/12/2017 22:24

OP, find yourself a decent man, not a mummy's boy. You haven't lost anything much. Do you really want to be in a competition with his mother. Life is too short - did he do the same for your birthday?

I dated a man once, his mother used to call with all kind of demands, it did not matter what he was doing, he had to drop everything to attend to her. Once, we had a slight disagreement - he was like light moving all his stuff to his mother's place. It was the best thing he ever did.

He came back after a few days and asked to move back again - the answer was no. I knew he was safe with his mother and was not going to have him move in with you again. Ended the relationship and went no contact. We waste our beauty on men and things that are not important.

ChickenMom · 26/12/2017 00:26

Wow...he’s got you all running around after him eh? You and her competing to treat the birthday boy. He must be loving it! You’re best off out of that one because there’s some weird dynamic stuff going on between them two and you are always going to be competing. He’s not going to change that as he benefits! Find a mature man not a weird mummy’s boy xxx

hollowtree · 26/12/2017 00:35

Yep he sounds like a knob sorry! And she sounds like a headfuck. Leave him behind with 2017

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