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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Relationships

24 replies

Crisscros · 25/12/2017 19:51

Hello everyone, just joined Mumsnet so please bear with me. I’d really appreciate your views. Would you find it odd if your boyfriend doesn’t find a minute to call you on Christmas Day? Got 3 texts all day, that’s it. He says he loves me but how can that be true?

OP posts:

meneri · 25/12/2017 19:59

Hi, do you know why he was so busy today? And how about you, where you gone alone or supposed to be busy too?
I am asking because sometimes guys are quite linear, if they are busy and they know you are going to be busy they won't bother you as it suit them too

rainbowskittles · 25/12/2017 20:00

How long have you been together?

onlyjustaboutnearly · 25/12/2017 20:00

How long have you been together? Why aren't you seeing him today?

Darcychu · 25/12/2017 20:05

Depends how long youve been together and why he was that busy. Ive been busy all day but called everyone important to me for a quick merry christmas, have a good one type thing

Original poster

Crisscros · 25/12/2017 20:14

I should provide a little more information. We’ve been together for 8 months. When we met we were both married. I know not ideal. I’ve progressed my divorce. I keep being told he will start the ball rolling with his. Still nothing. He keeps telling me he can’t live without me. I’be been home all day which he knows and available to take a call. To not take 2 mins to call just hurts. I’m sure he could get out of the house for 2 mins. I don’t get it

OP posts:

AFistfulOfDolores · 25/12/2017 20:15

If someone tells you they can't live without you, that's a warning right there, OP.

onlyjustaboutnearly · 25/12/2017 20:21

So is he with her today then? Or what's the story?

Original poster

Crisscros · 25/12/2017 20:26

Yes he’s with his wife, which I understand as they have 2 young children. She allegedly knows he’s in a relationship with me. I say alleged because I don’t actually know for a fact. If she knew wouldn’t he be able to call me? I’m really confused because I do love him but just don’t know where this is going

OP posts:

tribpot · 25/12/2017 20:27

So you're wondering why your married boyfriend hasn't called you on Christmas Day? Even if his wife knows about you (which seems rather unlikely based on what you've posted) it would be rather crass of him to excuse himself to make a call whilst still married to someone else.

debbs77 · 25/12/2017 20:28

Seriously..... he hasn't left her

chatty1234 · 25/12/2017 20:30

I think he's still married and stringing you along sorry OP.

NeilPetark · 25/12/2017 20:35

He’s not your boyfriend, you’re the OW.

leftwiththedognow · 25/12/2017 20:35

Youre being a first class idiot.

Original poster

Crisscros · 25/12/2017 20:39

I think idiot sounds right for me. I’ve been living in a dream world and believed everything he said. I’ve PhD allot into this relationship and looks like I walk away feeling stupid, used and heart broken

OP posts:

Foodylicious · 25/12/2017 20:40

Yes it is unreasonable of him.
I think it is sadly perhaps a true reflection of where you fit in to his life.
When it is convenient for him.

Don't wait around for him to call the shots.

You must have been unhappy in your previous relationship so glad for you that you have moved on from it, it can't have been easy

I would seriously consider ltb.
Have some time for yourself x

Original poster

Crisscros · 25/12/2017 20:42

I shouldn’t be surprised really. There’s been a few warning signs aswell as friends telling me to walk away as they felt I was being taken for a ride. I went against all their options and carried on. I guess I didn’t want to believe them as I thought we could have a life together

OP posts:

Foodylicious · 25/12/2017 20:43

The next few weeks will be tough but you can get past this!

You are not an idiot, he has totally taken the piss. You sound kind and trusting

Foodylicious · 25/12/2017 20:44

Get in touch with your friends, be honest and let them take care of you
They will want to x

Original poster

Crisscros · 25/12/2017 20:47

Thanks everyone for your advice and views

OP posts:

fitbitbore · 25/12/2017 20:49

Ring him!!!

Runningwithscissors12 · 25/12/2017 20:49

He's married. He has no intention of leaving his wife. You're his bit on the side. End it now.

ShirleyPhallus · 25/12/2017 20:51

I wouldn’t care about a call on Christmas Day at 8 months

I would care about going out wth a married man though. And he’s not left or has any intention of doing so.

But I suspect you already know that and this is what this is really about, not him not calling you

Original poster

Crisscros · 25/12/2017 21:09

My heads been telling me that I should walkaway for a long time but my hearts took over. I don’t even know or met any family or friends of his which should have signalled alarm bells for me. I suppose we live and learn

OP posts:

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 25/12/2017 21:09

Tbh I think 3 texts show he is thinking of you even though he’s in the middle of a chaotic day with his kids, so if he’s genuine then I wouldn’t be too disheartened by the lack of call today.

However, the fact that he’s still living with his wife and your friends have said he’s taking you for a ride, I’d stop being so available and start looking elsewhere. If he really can’t live without you he’ll sort it out.

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