So I made it through today - here’s to a better next year

[Ilovecrumpets]

Sorry just a bit of a ramble. Today was one of the hardest Christmas’ I have had but I made it through!! I have been worrying so much about the DC but today I really felt sad for myself and that my marriage has ended like this.

I have been with my husband for 18 years, since I was 22. All my adult life really and we have been through a lot. He leaves and we tell the DC in the new year ( his decision following an affair). I couldn’t help thinking back to how it used to be today. But then there was a moment when he looked at me and spoke to me with such contempt ( in a way I wouldn’t speak to anyone tbh) that although it was incredibly hurtful ( and I ended up in tears in the shower) I could see that whatever we had is now completely gone. I don’t think I even know him anymore.

I just want him to get to the point where he leaves as soon as possible now ( it is horrible being around someone who detests you). At least today is done and hopefully this time next year even if hard won’t be so painful. And I hope one day someone may look at me with love again. Onwards and upwards.

OP I'm five months out from finding out about my ex's affair with a work colleague. Today has been just awful, I've been trying to keep things together for my little girl but my heart is breaking. I have no advice but want to let you know you are not alone. And yes, onwards and upwards. The only way from here is up.

found I’m sorry you are in this place too. Tomorrow is another day.

Sorry you are going through this. In one maybe two years it will be less painful and you can enjoy a new better life for yourself.

The contempt he is showing you helps him justify his actions, it's ok to leave someone awful and not ok to leave someone who is not. It's tough now but you will be happy again and better than before some day.

Happy Christmas for next year

So sorry you are going through this. As Fru says, it sounds like he is trying to convince himself that he's made the right decision.

My ex left 18 months ago after being together for 26 years, again all our adult life (we were both 21 when we got together). It has taken a while, but I can genuinely hand on heart say now that although it was incredibly painful & not what I would have chosen (and yes there was an OW involved) I think it was the right thing for both of us.

It's really been a big thing for me having the opportunity to find out who I am as my own person (we worked together running a family business from the age of 28 as well, so I didn't even have a separate work persona).

My exDH left 18 months ago following an affair. Last Christmas was awful, but today, with just me and the kids, it was peaceful and fun. Until ten minutes ago when exDH phoned from a party in London with his girlfriend to tell me he wouldn't be able to see the kids tomorrow as he will be too hungover to drive. Letting them down again and making me pick up the pieces. I used to think he was amazing, I used to be so proud to be with him, but I was just in love with the person I imagined him to be. It's not easy.

Thanks both and eric I am so sorry your Ex let your DC down. H letting the kids down is one of my biggest fears about when we split - as he already does a lot.

I must say my friends ( and even my work colleagues) who to my shame I have neglected the last few years as I could do rarely get/afford childcare - have been brilliant. A few have said it is like the old me is back again. One positive is I should be able to get some time to see them again.