Please help understand reaction from husband on receiving divorce petition

[Drifting123]

I have filed for divorce this month and 2 days ago my husband received the petition. We have been semi-separated for 2 years, breaking on and off. He thought I was bluffing on filing, because I had bluffed once before about filing divorce. We are in constant touch and it has taken me a long while to finally call it. He texted me saying, he is signing his life away and wants to meet up. He shows up, I don't know if it was nervous laugh or what, like it was an insider's joke. I was hoping for anger, arguments etc. We had a massive argument the day before so I think that had an impact on why he wasn't getting angry that day. But wow, it was the most casual semi-laughing reaction to it...like Why??? Don't do this, speaking in a begging childish manner. I couldn't control my laughing on it.

He was saying all sorts of random things, we should stay boyfriend girlfriend. I said I gave him the most important status in my life and won't do that mistake again. He said might be second time, it works out. blah blah. Complete nonsense stuff, like this will go in my records and linked to my passport and driving licenses. They will look me up while I'm out for drinking etc and say that's him. Like utter nonsense coming out in a laughing manner.

Then he said if I will go with him to post the petition? Like what? I told him to take his mother for whom he let me go. Also, was saying if I will still help me out with his investments. Joking about being friends with benefits.

He was saying what if I did all the things I wanted. I said it's too late to do anything. He had 8 years to listen to me. And I don't think he means it, will just put a bandaid like he has always done. So even though it is very tempting, I don't want this to be seen as a negotiating tactic as I don't want to be filing divorce every time I want something.

I can't make sense of any of it. Not the typical reaction one would expect and now he hasn't texted for 2 days. Are we weird or what?

Everyone is busy with Christmas celebrations. I'm here alone with no sense of understanding what is happening in life.

Oh love. He’s still not ‘getting’ it is he.

Don’t let his waffle about ‘on your records’ worry you, the Gov have more things to worry about than your divorce. When you apply for anything like a passport, you’re asked if you’ve had any other names, you just put them in. There’s no stigma about divorce these days, they only ask to make sure you only have 1 of each.

I think he’s messing with your head because he thinks you have no choice but to put up with him til the nisi becomes an absolute.

Merry Christmas and I hope 2018 brings you nothing but fab things!

Picking up one comment you made, possibly wrongly. My perspective is only one.

he chose his mother over you?

He's shit scared of her, terrified, but the adult him doesn't want to lose you. So he's trying in an adult-child way to try to handle this but can't.

Keep in mind what you want, which is a true partner in life. This person, sadly, can't be it.

He'll have hurt you immensely probably, but if you can treat him with detached compassion and go ahead with divorce and finding someone who can be a true partner.

Also Christmas is only lovely if you are in a stable happy situation and even then the christmas card happy pics don't hint at the inevitable small tensions. Looka t xmas with a jaded eye.

He is the only son of a single mom. She won't leave him alone. She will either strangle you with love (which felt like it was a marriage of three with no boundaries) or you are her top enemy snatching her happiness. She has narc and borderline tendencies - not professionally diagnosed, I just couldn't get my head around her. He also lies to both of us, just appeasing behaviour. Some say he has fleas from her behaviour. He is always putting bandaids rather than stopping bad behaviour. He expects us all to live together because she has no one else which is why I'm divorcing him. Part of the reason is that no relative wants her close either as lashes out on everyone if you ask for space. I don't care what psychological issues they have or how stuck he feels he is, I don't want to be part of this drama. I still didn't expect a laughing match on receiving divorce petition.

It might just be a coping strategy for him. Some people react to bad news by laughing - a kind of shock reaction. Think of what you will and won’t do and then follow through with the divorce as you want - how he reacts is not your problem any more.

His behaviour over the divorce could a shock reaction. KOKO, OP. Your marriage sounds like it was horrendous. I have not been the best single parent in the world, but I haven't fucked up my adult kids like your STBX's mother!

He reacts with anger with others, and tears regarding his mum. I get the worst of all, like always. He couldn't control his smile. Anyways, as sonja said, it doesn't matter. What a disappointment. Can't get one emotion right in my life.

OP, I know a lady who stuck with husband for25 years longer than she wanted because ‘friends’ told her as did he that she wouldn’t be entitled to half the house, half the savings etc if she was the one who left, and yep she actually believed this shit rather than got proper advice

You are in constant touch - why? You have been on / off - why? It seems you have been sending him mixed messages. I would suggest you say anything related to the divorce to go via solicitor. I would suggest to go for a clean break. It sounds like you both need to be more independent. You will need to have courage, but it will be worth it. Also, he had his chance with you and blew it!

Divorce is hugely stressful for both parties, even in the most amicable situations. His strategies for getting through it are his own and yours are yours. You are splitting your lives apart, probably for good. Try to be kind and fair to each other, you loved each other once.

I agree with DampFoggy. You are divorcing. Time for a clean break and a fresh start. He’s made it clear he is choosing his mum and i’m not sure how this texting back and forth - staying in touch at all - is helping either of you, but especially you. It’s just keeping you involved in the drama.