Was I Unreasonable to ask my friend to leave?

[CarliseT]

I asked my friend to leave yesterday, I could not have him staying with me for Christmas. He asked if he could come to my house for Christmas. I only accepted for him to visit as I thought he had changed.

My friend is a real miser, he expects people to pay for him. If he stays for a week, he would not put his hands in his pocket. He feels almost entitled to eat and drink for free. He does not spend money on food, he goes from one friend's house to another and the money that he saves, he spends it on travelling abroad.

He came on Friday afternoon and told me, "I don't eat this and don't eat that..." He came empty handed - I had already marinated meat and was about to cook, he told me that he did not eat red meat - I had to cook fish instead.

My friend is not broke, he has lots of money - two big houses, one outside the UK. He had stayed with me before, without paying for anything and since his mother passed away, I thought that he had changed.

He was very upset that I had asked him to leave early as he had told another friend that he would go to his place tomorrow. He told me that I was unfair for asking him to leave early.

I do not believe in freeloading on my friends - I like to pay my share of anything. I am upset that I allowed him to stay for two nights. Should have asked him to leave on Saturday morning - all he did was eat and sleep.

Not if you explained why you were asking him to leave and gave him a chance to contribute. Did you?

Friend? Not a friend.

Thinking of it, he is not a friend. He is a freeloading person. Sense of entitlement and no empathy.

He is a grown up man and there is no need to ask him to contribute. He is aware of my circumstances and yet wanted to take advantage of my kindness. It was silly of me to have expected that he had changed. He is a very selfish person and tight with money but expects to eat off other people.

I am happy to have asked him to leave yesterday. I told him my reasons for asking him to leave and yet he was upset that I was being unfair for asking him to leave early.

I have been very kind to him for a long time and I guess that I have run out of patience and he will not be visiting me again.

You did the right thing

He is a freeloader and a user. If you justify doing that to people you will not change

Make this the last time he takes the piss out of you

How did he become a friend? Was he nicer when he was younger?

@Any, thank you! I stopped asking him to visit me a few years ago. I honestly thought that after the death of his mother, he may have changed.

It was the best Christmas present that I gave myself. Friendships are built on reciprocity - people who expects to freeload and use others should not be tolerated.

he sounds VILE ... well done in getting shot of him

@Coalit, I do not think so.

I stopped inviting him over for two reasons - he never take showers - have this really nasty smell from lack of bathing or showering.

He has always been stingy and a miser - people sometimes change after an event such as death, illness etc. It's not like he has money problems, his two houses have a total of six lodgers - so, he is not sort of money. He travels extensively. He saves all his money so he can travel all over the world.

For food, he goes at the back of supermarket to get free food. I don't think that he will ever change - he invites himself at people's houses and move from friends to friends' houses.

He rented out all his rooms and he told me that he sleeps on the floor

omg a real life Rigsby,you have done yourself a favour,well done

Why do all of your other friends put up with this too? He is taking the piss out of all of you!! Well done in getting rid and you should make it clear to him why you have got rid.

He's not a friend! Get rid of him. Just delete him from your life.

Have you told him all this stuff? Or have you given him another reason in order to be polite?

Who cares if she's told him all this? He won't change.

@Christmas and @Mom, I am not sure why other people put up with his behaviour. He kept telling me how he missed his mum, so I thought that he may have changed. He wanted to visit, I only accepted because I thought he had changed.

Next week, he is travelling abroad to stay with friends. It's always staying with other people for free - freeloading is his full time job. I told him that I stopped inviting him before because he is a user and freeloader.

I think sometimes people are just self absorbed that don’t understand the effects their actions have on people, if someone was my friend I would tell them exactly why I’m asking them to leave so maybe a Christmas miracle would happen and they would reflect on their behaviour...They generally don’t.

No empathy, sense of entitlement, parasitic - there is something seriously wrong with him.

Uff you are well rid OP....turning up empty handed at Christmas, insisting you cook fish and stinking your house out with B.O and an unwashed bum crack...

Bleeuch.

Get the sheets in the wash and crack open the wine...

Thank you everyone, I really needed reassurance that I have not being unreasonable. As Captain pointed out, people do not realise the effects their behaviour have on other people.

@Mick, you made me laugh - the house was very smelly as he was sleeping on my sofa - using my white beddings. I have washed everything.

I am happy that I told him, he might changed or he might not. One thing that I know is he will never get any future invites and tbh, I do not want to be in touch with him again.

One can understand if a person does not have money, but to have lots of money and still want to freeload off people is a terrible habit to have.

are you sure he has money and houses?

He sounds like he might be homeless, sofa surfing.

@Green, yes, he bought a house on the continent and the house in the UK was his mother's. He was the only child, so everything was left to him. He has four lodgers in his mother's house and two in the house outside the UK.

He rented out all the rooms and sleeps in the dinning room on the floor. When he came to my house, he was staying with a friend and was going back to stay with a friend. As I have said, next week he will be travelling to north Africa to stay with friends and after that he will travel to East Africa.

He told me that he does not spend money on food or clothes - he gets all his food from the back of supermarket.

He is just a freeloader and he is not ashamed of his behaviour or he has never been told about his behaviour.

You didn’t ‘have’ to cook him fish. he could have just had the veg.

Have you ever called him out on his shitty behaviour? Yanbu for kicking him out!

He sounds mentally unwell. You did the right thing telling him to go though, don't tolerate takers in your life. Up to him to sort himself out/recognise there is a problem. This may or may not be the jolt he needs.

What a bizarre story, with more drip feeding on each post.

Very very bizarre.

He sounds unwell but you were well within your rights not to put up with it.

He doesn't sound unwell, he just sounds like a complete fucking arse. You were right to throw him out.