AIBU - colleague signing off with a heart to husband on a note?

[annakarenina2]

Long story short - my husband's asked for a "break" because he's depressed/ feels like our relationship has become unhealthy and toxic. He has a point, but he hasn't made much effort to mend things.

He's been sleeping in the spare room for a few weeks and today I found a scrunched up note on the kitchen counter... I always check things like that in case it's something important that got accidentally put aside.

Anyway, it was my husband's rota for next week , signed off with a "just FYI" followed by two hearts.

Am I totally overreacting ? Without the above context I feel like I would be, but he's been very hot/cold with me for about two months, and I'm getting a feeling there might be an OW.

His phone is password protected so I can't check the texts...

I think it is unlikely to be a coincidence. Unless it is a long time work friend who knows he is going through a hard time.

Sounds unprofessional and dodgy.

He's relatively new at work (3 months) and I haven't been introduced to any of his colleagues...

Who's on at the same times?

What does this 'break' mean? That be can be free to date others? That you can?

Hearts on a work note seem odd.

Hearts?! I wouldn't even put those on a note to DH let alone a colleague! I'd be a bit suspicious too OP.

He didn't seem keen to set any rules. When I asked him whether he wanted to start seeing other people, he retreated emotionally (he's got Aspergers and is very bad at any form of confrontation/difficult conversations). Considering he's still living at home albeit in the spare room, I assumed we were just taking some time off to focus on ourselves. eg I'm seeing a counsellor and getting into mindfulness etc.

But now I feel like a bit of an idiot tbh.

Think you need to confront him. No reasonable explanation other than the obvious I'd have thought.

I think there’s an entirely reasonable explanation - that it’s a note given by someone who puts hearts on most communicatIons (don’t you know people like this?), and so it means nothing much at all.

It sounds like things are especially tough at home right now, and this might be part of that, but i think equally - it just might be nothing.

I also know people who sign off with hearts or kisses on everything.
Even if there is something going it seems a very odd thing to do!
Plus clearly DH has made no effort to hide it, so he doesn't see it as anything worth hiding.

Yeah. I don't want to overreact. I guess it's the whole combo of being secretive with phone/not being keen to actively work on our issues/scrunched up note with hearts is giving me alarm bells.

Unlock his phone? They usually conduct their affairs over Whatsapp 🤔

His phone has finger print protection ??...

It will also have a pin aswell. Not just finger lock.

I've had clients who stick kisses on their emails to me at times. Some people are just weird.
And as for the retreating bit - I've got Asperger's and if you said that to me I'd be wondering if YOU wanted to see other people and would retreat into myself to work it out panic

He's not exactly cherishing the note if he scrunched it up and abandoned it.

Talk to him.

If his phone is fingerprint protected why don't you just do it while he's asleep? If you really need to check, bit of a privacy invasion though

If he only started there 3 months ago l doubt he knows anyone well enough to begin an affair. A colleague putting hearts on when she only knows him a short time sounds like some one who does it for everyone.

Check who is on shifts with him.

I would only put hearts or kisses on a work message if the other party was a) the same sex or b) gay.

@annakarenina2 go google the hack on how to unlock finger print thingy!

I think the note is a red herring. What you really need to focus on is what his plans are to try and mend your relationship with you. It's no good him just retreating to the spare room for a few weeks.

WhataLoad - I agree. I suppose it's just the fact that I may approach the situation differently if there's someone else on his mind...

I’d be definitely wondering. A heart on a work communication is ill judged and unprofessional at best.
How was your relationship before he started this new job?

Things have been strained since the birth of my son. I took a lot of my frustration out on DH, which I now recognise and take full responsibility for. He works long hours; and the industry he's in is very social/boozy... I think I was really jealous he got to have a "normal" life while I looked after our very challenging, high needs baby.

Problem is he's very bad at communicating and represses his feelings a lot. If he has met someone else, I would only find out by snooping... not sure I want to do that :(