I have children - he doesn’t - does it work?

[Blinkingecksake]

Just touting opinions really... didn’t really want a relationship at the moment, but unexpectedly met someone. He seems great but doesn’t have kids. Life’s circumstances. I do and they are absolutely the centre of my world. Any real life experience of this working for people? Thanks

Of course it can work, probably more so then if he had kids too. Less to navigate.

Does he live on his own.
I would say if he is an independent man then it can work As long as you are honest that the children will always be your first priority.
If the lives at he then no. He is usually an immature mummy boy and doesndoesn't have a concept of real live as such. Ie house chores, working, childcare etc
Good luck

Depends.
Is he any good with kids or open to them?
Also, does he want kids of his own and do you want any more? Questions to ask.

I wouldn’t bother. From my experience they don’t understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them & nothing will be more important than your children.

It worked for me. Probably a million times better than if he had his own too tbh. My dh is a bloody superstar mind, I can imagine without his patience and strength it could have been trickier

I'm currently seeing someone (very early days) who has no children of his own. Doesn't mean he doesn't want them/share the same values as me when it comes to children. He totally understands that I prioritise them above him. Plus in a way it's easier he doesn't have kids himself as it makes it easier for us to meet - if we both had kids we'd probably never have the same free time.

It depends on the person but it can absolutely work. My sister married someone who didn't have kids when she had a child, they now live happily together with another child of their own.

It can work. I had two when I met my childless partner and it's not been a problem. He understood that he'd eventually be their step-dad if we stayed together. We now have a child of our own too.

Works better than you both having children, in my experience!

My best single Mum friend found happiness with a childless man. Even before that she wouldn't date men with kids though she has 3. She says it works better. Her dp is lovely and they went on to have another

Yes it works for me very well. Had 2 relationships with people who had a child. Very complicated. Much easier with someone who doesn’t have kids. He is brilliant with them. Me and my kids are his priority.

Yes of course but it is hard work.

How old are the DC?

Move slowly - about 2.5x as slowly as you would without DC involved.

Actively look for "green flags" rather than waiting for red flags to show themselves. He should be interested in DC but not overly, should be open to you explaining when something gets in the way, expect some miscommunications or misunderstanding, but shouldn't be resentful of normal DC stuff if you explain.

Don't introduce to kids too soon.

(I know this is miles off!) Don't move in together until preferably min 2 years, possibly longer, if DC need to move around to accommodate him (or any future DC you have) make sure these are changes you'd be happy for them to make regardless.

Just try it - nothing to lose really. If it doesn't work out you just go back to the way things always were!

I would be lost without DH and he is a much more involved and loving dad to my DS than his own father ever was.

It’s worked for my friend who has 2 kids from her previous marriage and is marrying her DP next year!

Her kids adore him. He is not and never will be their dad, they have a great relationship with their dad and it’s all really amicable between her and ex DH. But he has established a really close, friendly, loving relationship with them that is lovely to see.

I would argue maybe better (at least for you). I find as a busy single parent dating another busy single parent it's near impossible. Me and my gf get to see each other maybe every couple of weeks (about 3-4 days a month).

It works really well for me. He’s always put the boys before himself, and me actually. Which is what I want. I suppose it depends on the person though.

Thanks everyone! I was ready to just knock the idea on the head but I won’t now. Do need to probe further tho about why he’s where he’s at. Both too old for further children. I shall go forward but with caution! I really wanted to be single for a good while, only 2 months out of a relationship but something just feels very good about him. Thanks everyone and merry Christmas!

Yes it can work i met my now other half he had no kids i did we now have our own 2

I was only just out of my very unhappy marriage when I met my DP. I didn’t want a relationship but we had a proper thunderbolt and after fighting it for a couple of weeks I gave in. We’re both in our mid 40’s so won’t have any more children. 15 months on the thunderbolt is still there. Sometimes you have to follow your heart.

1000% better than when they have children. Everything is just so much more straightforward and less conflicted.

Thanks again. I really like him and can see the bonus of him having no commitments. Thanks everyone, good to hear such positive things!