An epic tale of stupidity and now I'm stuck

[KM2468]

I've been with my partner for 12 years. One 6 yr old who is amazing. I own our home and pay for everything - literally everything you could think of, work ft and have a healthy career which financially should stand our family in a good position.
However, my partner is in and out of work, blames getting the sack on other people's attitudes when it's clearly his work ethic. He has never made any attempts to contribute financially to the daily living costs since his argument is I can afford it on my own.
I bail him out constantly with late payments, parking fines, car repairs...so I'm definitely the idiot in this situation.
We were settled for a time and decided to try and add to our family. At this point it became clear we had a problem - in this case it was medically with him. He confessed he had taken steroids - his looks and gym time is also a massive part of his life. He's there nightly and sulks if he's at home.
The outcome from the hospital was devastating. The hardest part was feeling resentful that his selfishness to taking something unnecessary had impacted on our whole life. To cut a long story short and by some miracle - we didn't asked for help from the NHS - there are more deserving people than him. After 4 years I am now 32 weeks pregnant. I again stupidly assumed since he begged for second baby more than me he would be excited. But nothing...no interest at all.
If anything he has become even lazier, self absorbed and miserable. I'm am really attracted to him but he's a massive prick so I spend most of the time resenting him.
I've tried every tactic under the sun the get him to understand how I feel...unloved, disrespected and irrelevant to his life. I can't say he's not a good dad, but our child rarely sees him.
I've spoken calmly, screamed, cried, written it down everything and nothing changes.
I asked him to leave and he just tells me he can't afford to go anywhere and would end up on the streets (he's also very dramatic). He makes me responsible for every aspect of his life and I feel like his mum.
I'm determined both our children will have both parents but I can't keep up pretending a one way relationship is what I want. Help? I don't know what to do?

OP - you are not stuck. You can do anything you want, really.
The money you are spending on supporting your man-child - would surely be enough to hire you some cleaner/nanny/helper.

He is a leech and would never leave - he’s got a great setup - someone supporting him; babying has; while he tones his body at the Gym.
Sure - I get it - he must be attractive - as you say yourself that’s why you are in this.

But there are other men out here - both attractive and not lazy.
You just need to take time and look around.

I'm not sure you have any options seeing as you refuse to kick the ManChild out...

If anything he has become even lazier, self absorbed and miserable. I'm am really attracted to him but he's a massive prick

What is there to be attracted to?

You’re physically attracted? To someone who’s taken steroids to make himself look that way?

My favourite thing when faced with life changing decisions is to write a pros and cons list. How many more cons do you think you’d have? He’s a deadbeat and you know it. He contributes nothing, a big fat zero. Good dads don’t evince a total lack of interest in their soon to be born child.

Don't be a mug any longer op.
Let Christmas get past then kick him out.
He's a sponge and will find someone else to leech of.
Why are you so determined that the kids should have big parents when your saddling them with an ineffective Manchild father who they will have to bail out and support when they are older (following your example).

Both not big

If he is taking steroids, the likelihood is that he will become physically violent at some stage - he is already emotionally abusive. A fit over-muscled man could cause you horrendous injuries if one day he loses his temper - even if he lashes out only once.. He already sounds like an entitled git and will get worse.

He has served his purpose as a sperm donor. Get rid of him because you will become more and more resentful, and he will become more and more demanding, and your poor children ill be stuck in the middle.

I'm determined both our children will have both parents

You are not responsible for his relationship with his children, he is. You make damn sure they have you.. it is down to him to be there for them no matter how guilty he makes you feel. It is perfectly possible for them to have both parents be there for them but separately. He doesn't have to be with you to be there for his kids

OP, you are my best friend 18years ago! She's still funding the leech, worse, her son is turning into a carbon copy of his father.

It breaks my heart.

Please, kick him out and bring your children up to appreciate your ethics, if not, your sons will not respect women, your daughters won't respect themselves. Don't perpetuate his deranged attitude.

Your children can still have a good relationship with their father, if he chooses to grow up, if not they'll be better off without him.

I agree with the others. He is a lazy freeloader and you deserve better. Your dc will BENEFIT from his departure as they will have a financially stable mother who is in control of the household she is funding and who is not choking on resentment for putting up with his entitlement.

HOW. Just HOW. can you be massively attracted to that. i cannot help. i am speechless.

You sound amazing OP - your P on the other hand sounds like a very sorry and pitiful excuse for an adult human.

You've caught yourself a prime cocklodger luv, and you need to cut him
Loose. Your role in life is not to fund the life of a lazy selfish man child. Or is it?

He's a vain waste of space tbh. How is he a good dad when he hardly sees his DC.

I'd tell him to leave...he won't be on the streets. Having another child with him wasn't wise...but to late now. That doesn't mean you have to put up with a non contributing freeloader.

Give him 1 months notice to move out, he won't be on.the streets and if he is ...then tough. You need to get a thick skin with him... and this is definitely when it's better not to be married.

You can tell him if you see sustained changes ...you'll consider getting back with him...specify what those changes are..

A financially contributing man.

A dad who is present more often and interacts with his DC

No miserable attitude at home/no more steroids

Doing things for himself... you aren't his mum.

My philosophy in relationships.. Is if a man can't add value financially.... at least he needs to match or have other great redeeming qualities.... your man has neither and put bluntly he's a liability.

I'm always surprised how a grown man becomes so useless.