I am so unbearably depressed and heartbroken and can't seem to get over it
I'm 20 years old, I had my son when I was 17. Me and his dad aren't together but have a great friendship and my son stays with him every other weekend.
Everyone thought I'd cocked up my life when I had him but low and behold I got into uni, got a job, a lovely home and then around 18 months ago fell in love with the most wonderful person. It was like a dream come true.
Me, my son and my new partner really had a lovely family life. I was so happy.
Then, three months ago, my boyfriend left me.
He moved into a student house with 10 girls, he started taking drugs and drinking and later I found out sleeping around. I found out I was pregnant shortly after we split and he begged me to have an abortion (he was awful, called me all the names under the sun) in the end I decided I couldn't do it, so we went no contact and I prepared for single motherhood to two kids.
He then reappeared in my life about two month ago saying he was reformed, he had his life together, wanted to be involved with new baby and wanted to give us another try. So we did and it was wonderful until I found out he gave me chlamydia because he'd been having unprotected sex with a load of girls whilst we weren't together though had told me he hadn't slept with anyone else. He was very apologetic and I, being the fool that I am, just accepted his apology.
He's now said in the last couple of weeks he doesn't want to be with me, he's reverted back to being the arsehole he was when we first broke up. He is irresponsible, mean, narcisstic and I am utterly heartbroken.
He is awful and I am still disgustingly in love with him.
What am I going to do. How will I ever stop being in love with him and why do I love him so much when he is so horrid