My ex is ruining my life and my Christmas

[fordcourteener]

I'm feeling very emotional at the moment about all the stuff that's gone on/ going on with my ex. I'm 25 weeks pregnant and really don't want him to be involved in the baby. Here's a list of the things he's done.

-I would quite frequently try and leave him during our relationship because he's got unresolved mental health problems and refuses to get help. He would cut himself whenever I tried to leave. When we broke up he told his family I drove him to cut himself but I can't argue with that because I suppose I did drive him to it trying to leave?

-he constantly lies about things e.g he told me he'd got a new job which turned out to be untrue. He lied about having a car accident the other day. He lies and tells me he's stopped smoking weed and drinking but it's also not true.

-about a month ago he had me fully convinced he was getting help and was sorting himself out and so we agreed to start seeing each other again and take things slow. He ended up giving me chlamydia because he'd been having sex whilst we were split up with other people but never got tested. (He told me he hadn't slept with anyone else)

-when we first found out I was pregnant he said he wanted the baby dead. He said I'd got pregnant on purpose to trap him and that I lied about being on contraceptives (I was on the pill, I have been for 3 years and it's never failed me) I let him be angry and we had no contact, I was planning on raising the baby entirely alone when he said he then wanted contact. I wish he'd just stayed away.

-he asks me constantly if I'm seeing anyone else, he bad mouths me to people, he says mean things to me, he never asks about the baby,

-he pushes me around (in a jokey way) if We meet up. But I hate it and it's not funny (I meet with him regularly face to face because it's easier to tell if he lies about stuff)

-I don't want contact with him and the baby would be better off without him but when I've said in the past I don't think he's safe to be around her he tells me his dad will pay for a lawyer and threatens that there's "things" he can say about me to get the baby taken off me.
His dad does have a ridiculous amount of money and I'm terrified the baby really would get taken away from me.

I used to really love this guy and it's shocking how horrible things have turned. There's a lot more stuff than all that listed as well. I'm dreading the babies arrival. He is going to be the worst father in the world. I think he cares more about parading the fact he's going to be a dad on social media more than anything.

I have no idea what to do. He lies constantly even about meaningless things, he drinks and takes drugs. He has serious problems with depression and I suspect a personality disorder but he refuses to get help/ only stays off the drugs for a couple of days.

I reached out to his mum about it but she doesn't care. She doesn't think there's anything wrong with him. Nobody seems to see what I see and it makes me think maybe I'm just being unreasonable not wanting him to be involved with the baby.

Taking the baby off you is another of his lies. There's nothing he can say that will get your child taken away from you that easily. That's not how it works.

In fact, you don't have to put him on the birth certificate, and I certainly wouldn't if I were you. He would then have to apply for parental responsibility etc.

Your best bet is to stop engaging with him at all. End it with him completely. He gave you chlamydia while you're pregnant fgs. If he persists in bothering you after you make it clear no more contact, you can then get the authorities involved to make him leave you alone. Pushing you etc are indications he has the capacity to get more violent - he shouldn't be laying hands on you at all and - so be careful.

Go “no contact”. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Ignore ignore ignore. Don’t respond to anything he sends or says. You need to put yourself and your baby 1st. He is not nice or good for you. He gave you a STD!!! Think about getting a restraining order. The fact he gave you a STD and is harassing you should be enough to get that. Go see a solicitor if you need to. His father doesn’t get to dictate who has your baby. Doesn’t matter how much money he has. Even the Queen couldn’t take your baby away if you are healthy, not an addict and a good mum who looks after the baby. Do parenting courses. Keep records and copies of all messages he sends. Keep a diary of everything. Get yourself informed. Contact women’s aid and get advice on what you can do to keep this loser away from you

Stop meeting him! He’s abusive and controlling. Pushing around when he sees you is showing you how little he thinks of you. The drink and drugs make him unsafe around you and the baby. Regardless of his father having money, he won’t be able to take the baby from you, especially with his history of drug taking. Please stop letting him push you round physically or metaphorically.

Stop meeting him and don't have him on the birth cert.

In fact I'd go as far as seeing if I could move house (if you rent) and just disappear.

He is a nasty piece of work.

Definitely don't put him on the birth certificate. He sounds unhinged based on your post and not somebody who should be caring for a vulnerable baby whatsoever.

Putting him on the birth certificate gives him rights that he will certainly use to his advantage to make your life hell. Cut contact with him completely and have nothing more to do with him until he has shown concrete evidence that he has changed profoundly, got the help he needs with his mental health and remained clean of drugs.

With how unruly he seems it will only be a matter of time before social services caught on to the dysfunction and became involved. They would take a dim view of you continuing to meet up with and engage with somebody who's behaving like he is and they would consider that a risk to your baby. The fact his father has money is irrelevant and will do him no favours. It takes more than DNA to be a parent and just because somebody helps create a child doesn't mean they are automatically father material. I'm all for father's rights but there's nothing in your post which suggests he's made even the tiniest effort to sort himself out before the baby arrives. I would not want my child around somebody like that and if I was you I would start taking steps to ensure he comes nowhere near you and the baby for the foreseeable future

The best thing you could do is disappear and make a new life somewhere else. He will obtain PR and seek contact, since he has the money to force this. As others have said, don't put him on the BC and cut all contact.