How do I get over cousin stealing money from me

[Selassi]

I'm not going to lie I am bitter over this and will be until I get the money back and revenge but I am trying so hard to not get revenge but it is so hard and it's eating me up

Especially since the whole family including my sister still talk to her and think she is justified because apparently I have "done horrible things to her" (I've done nothing)

I lived with her for a bit, borrowed her 3k and she went on to steal another 3k off me. I don't want to go into the story of how she got this money because it doesn't matter, I trusted her and she fucked me over.

Taking her to court is pointless because she is broke.

Do you have any stories of this happening?
I want to get over this but it is hard I have cut off my whole family over this because not one of them has spoken up for me minus my brother

It's the betrayal
I let her into my life after my mother died. I haven't spoken to my family for a good 13 years since and I let her into my life and she did this
I babied her and tried to make her feel better about herself because she is such a damaged person, I lived with her for 8 months and did everything for her and she done this to me.

I do believe she is an emotional vampire and because I left after she hit me and told me to get out she couldn't take it

However that doesn't mean you steal money off me!

There's obviously some dysfunction here. Grown adults fighting and stealing....accusations of you being horrible. Are you saying she fabricated this?

If so...were you unaware of her state of mind?

There's not a chance my sister would go against me in this situation.... hence I say something seems amiss.

I want to get over this but it is hard I have cut off my whole family over this because not one of them has spoken up for me minus my brother

You are an adult. Why do you expect your whole family to join in? Fight you own battles

If you think I'm aggressive get off my thread it isn't hard? You are purposely trying to ruin my thread and for what? Do you get paid to be nasty?

Go and be nasty to people on the street not on the internet where you are hidden. Last time Im addressing this I'm not going to let you ruin my thread

Nothing horrible happened which is why she can't tell anyone, she made it up to justify her actions.
I wasn't horrible the last 8 months I lived with her was i? All of a sudden I am when she steals from me!

And I expect my family to tell her to pay me back not talk to her and entertain what she did

I just pray for the day she does it to them and they see

I haven't spoken to my family for a good 13 years since and I let her into my life and she did this

Mumof56
Because they are not nice people, they are not people I wanted to be around. They would gossip, have fights, smoke and take drugs, ect I didn't want them in my life I'm a private person
I hoped after all these years they changed and they haven't
All they do is use people. I saw them leech off my mum then when she died everyone was quick to just forget about it and talk about the money we got.

When did this happen OP?

This happened 13 years ago? For 13 years you have not spoken to your family? How long ago did you report it to the police?

It sounds like you are more upset over your family not being the people you want them to be. After 13 years you are not going to get that money back. If you are still struggling to deal with this then you need to see a counsellor.

OP...Your attitude clearly demonstrates you have a problem.

People express their views on a public forum...you interpret that your own way and become hostile....I'm beginning to see why you have problems with your family members.

13 years? Really? Let it go. You aren't getting it back. Time to move on.

Did you move in with your cousin? Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick. But if you did, did she take the money as rent, perhaps?

Why post about this multiple times? Why not just use the same thread you created?

Ruin your thread? Read back your posts and look at the way you speak to people. I think you’ll have your answer.

In fairness Fenella, the OP has admitted she is having a hard time getting over this and the feelings of bitterness. So if she keeps posting the same problem hoping new posters might give her a handle on how to cope or find a solution, that's fair enough. You don't have to keep checking her threads and letting her know she has re-posted. Of course it winds her up.

Now, I hate this meta-posting business when posters get into endless squabbles about 'how many' or 'the poor quality' of their posts so I'm saying my piece and that's that.

Let the OP have her say.

When you lived with her for 8 months did you pay rent, utilities, buy your own food etc?

I lived with her for a bit
Did you move in with her or did she move in with you? What was the arrangement? Was rent paid? Why did you or she move out?

What horrible things are you supposed to have done to your cousin? What makes your family believe your cousin if you are innocent?

What did you lend you cousin £3k for? What arrangement did you agree for her to repay you?

You say you don’t want to go into it but how did your cousin manage to steal £3k from you? Is there a trail of proof that she did?

What made you trust your cousin?

I don’t think anybody can write anything constructive in reply to you unless the situation is a bit less opaque.

Betrayal is hard to get over but you do have to find a place for the hurt or it will poison you from within.

You aren’t going to get your money back. Your cousin isn’t going to apologise, your sister has and may continue to prioritise contact with her over a relationship with you.

If you want to move forward then you have to accept these things because not doing so only hurts you, no one else. Focus on healthy relationships like the one you have with your brother, the energy you are expending on a situation you can not change or reverse, is a waste.

Make this the last thread and make a commitment to your MH by seeking support.

OP I've been really done over a few times by various people.One of the times I was so angry it was shocking and I could have really done some thing I regretted. It was only the thought of the consequences that pulled me back from the brink.
You have really only 2 options 1.You let it go or 2) You let this person ruin your life becaus ethats what its doing to you.
In the New Year go to the DRs and ask for a counselling referral or pay for it if you can afford it. Find out if there in a Mind near you and join some groups or something. Do anything to distract yourself from ruminating on this.

Op, was this 13years ago?

It's a lesson learned.Ive lent money to friends and family but never again.Sometimes I've been paid back ,but at least twice I've not received the money back.
It's wrong of your family to take your cousins side but people are self centred .Its a horrible feeling to lend money and not get it back -it's like your doing a good turn and they return your kindness with a bad turn.I remember a staunch Socialist borrowing money off me (best friends at the time)we slowly drifted apart and I never received a penny.
Bottom line is that some people have morals -most don't

This ^ what Trojans said. I too have experienced this albeit different circumstances obviously. The best revenge is to forgive and move on. Don’t let who they are change who you are.
People like that usually get the life they deserve, you just sometimes have to wait a while for the universe to catch up.
Honestly if it has been so long, make like Elsa and let it go, you will feel so much better

@Selassi - I can understand why you are bitter about this. However your bitterness is harming only you, so you need to find some way to move past those feelings. That doesn’t mean forgiving your family, or forgetting the debt, but it means protecting yourself from further hurt.

Think of what they did as a thorn. Currently it is in your skin, causing you pain. If you pull out the thorn, it doesn’t stop existing, but it does stop hurting you and lets you start to heal.

You can’t make them pay you back, or act more decently towards you, but you can decide not to let them hurt you any more, and not to let this hurt you any more.