So sad. Just going to get through Christmas and then I need to make steps to leaving OH

[Lizkmg]

I've reached a stage where I no longer feel like I can keep hoping my relationship will turn a corner. Since moving in together and having our DD (currently pregnant with second child too) we have struggled to get along for any long period of time. The rows have been hideous. I feel he is very selfish, goes out a lot. Drinks a lot. Is never satisfied with my contribution to the household. He is grumpy some days and I never know what's triggered it. He's never nice to me. He doesn't seem to care. Has said some seriously nasty things about me (called me a fat moron 2 weeks after I had a baby because I eat the wrong foods to boost milk supply and so struggled to breast feed and moved to formula after about a week).

Today we aren't speaking because he's been out til 2am, 6.30am and then 2am again (after starting that day at 11am with his mates in the pub) this week, while I have had baby and done the Christmas shop and wrapped all the presets and stayed on top of the house all I could. This morning he started banging around annoyed that the spare room needed to be mopped. I was so upset I couldn't stop crying. It's like whatever I do and whatever I let him do, he is never happy with me. And takes his moods out on me.

I just need to get through Christmas and then start working out how we can live and parent separately. God I'm depressed right now.

Hi Liz

Don’t be sad, from what I have just read this is a celebration that you are leaving him and you have so much to look forward to. He sounds like a prick and your life will be so much better without him, you and your children will be a lot happier. Your far too good for him, leave him and be happy. Good luck xx

Liz.. sounds like you and I are living parallel lives.

I know exactly what you mean. EXACTLY.

My heart goes out to you... Maybe we can keep each others spirits raised during the next few days?

I have just started on anti-depressants. Hoping they'll make my thoughts a bit clearer and my heart a bit more steel-like for the coming months. When are you due? x

I'm due in March. sounds like a plan

Could you just leave, perhaps go to your parents for Christmas? I love the thought of him staying out till 6am, then getting in to see that you and DC aren't there.

ie. don't warn him, just let it dawn on him. He sounds like an absolute turd.

I'm not sure how I'll leave. It'll definitely be my parents I go back to at first, but no idea whether I'll tell him or just go. He doesn't have anymore nights out planned now that I know of anyway. Although obviously sooner or later one will happen.

Why don't you put some laxatives in his food so he gets the shits and has to stay in bed over Xmas....or if he goes out he shits himself..actually that sounds like fun he will be the laughing stock of the pub lol

I've written him a letter which sets out all the reasons why I feel unhappy, and why I'm taking the decision to build. New life where we parent our kids separated. It's just a case of when to leap now, and I feel physically sick to my core at the thought of it.

I could have written this!!! I'm
due in May with baby number two (planned) and the resentment from baby number one (unplanned) has returned in the form of abuse, anger, blame, drinking, drinking and more drinking.

I'm still waiting for him to change and in the meantime wasting my life, my happiness. Fingers crossed I get the guts I need to finally leave in 2018 - the financial aspects don't half make that so much harder than I'd like it to be.

Feeling your pain. Make Christmas all about your DD. I'm focusing on my DS and if OH wants to sulk and be moody it's his loss! Xx

I'm sorry to those in the same boat. It's certainly miserable.

I'm going to try and just focus on DD and shut it all out. I have to work very hard to keep my emotions inside, I'm naturally a very emotional, heart on sleeve, type of person, so to try and compartmentalise different things currently going on in my life is a really difficult thing for me to do.

I'll be doing lots of reading and googling ways to stay calm and collected though. Don't want my DD to see me upset.

You are doing the right thing. He sounds awful, selfish and abusive. Take your time and get your ducks in a row and make a plan. Where you're going to go to, check what benefits you're entitled to, get your important paperwork (passport, birth certificate for dd, etc) together.

Do you have a car? Because if you do, can you put all the presents and your baby into it, and drive to your parents for a short visit that turns out to be permanent? You'll probably have a much nicer Christmas with them, and you really shouldn't waste a second more of your life living with such a horrible, abusive man.