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Original poster

Reasons not to re marry when nearly 60

31 replies

NeverShine4me · 23/12/2017 20:32

I know there are lots of reasons not to re marry at an older age, especially when both parties have adult children. Issues as couple have agreed to leave their inheritance to each other and then to be passed on to their children afterwards. Surely the remaining spouse could spend all the money etc, give some away to his/her children so that when they die their is nothing left for the children of the spouse who died first? Anyone who has been through this or has a legal background got anything to throw at this....

OP posts:
Original poster
NeverShine4me · 23/12/2017 20:32

Sorry to drip field - couple have already bought a house together using joint funds but own it as tenants in common (eg separate shares)

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 23/12/2017 20:34

The biggest reason is because you don’t want to. I really can’t see the point in marrying again.
I get your point entirely about children missing out if you die first

LineyRunner · 23/12/2017 20:34

I have just decided not to do this.

Main reason: not absolutely sure about compatability.

Which leads to

Subsidiary reasons: all the things you said.

Original poster
NeverShine4me · 26/12/2017 11:58

For what it's worth- it's my mum. I'm really upset that she has decided to do this. She has a decent pension and he has nothing to live off. She has a narcissistic personality and has always been dependent on a man. I don't think she is allowing herself to see the practical problems. I don't mind her being with him and owning the house etc, but marrying (he hasn't asked her she just wants to) seems too far

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 26/12/2017 12:15

DFIL is in this position. They live together but he "owns" the house although his DP has the right to stay in it until she dies in his will. FIL is mid 80's she is at least a decade younger. His DP's adult DC's are very keen to see them married (FIL is quite wealthy) but he is having none of it.

category12 · 26/12/2017 12:18

Well it's not something you can do much about, if she's decided.

mummyretired · 26/12/2017 12:21

I'm the same age and would no more accept marital advice from my children than they would from me. We're all self-supporting adults with no claim on each other's finances.

BettyBaggins · 26/12/2017 12:28

Both my parents remarried and have amended wills to protect all of the adult childrens and grandchildrens original inheritance.

selfishcrab · 26/12/2017 12:31

Age and inheritance have no bearing in marriage, it is between 2 people who may or may not decide this is an option for them.
It is nothing to do with others, as a older person I would be mortified if my children thought like that! I know my DH and may self want the other to be happy in event the other is not here..

Dowser · 26/12/2017 13:45

I remarried at 63 because I wanted too.
My dh has no children
He’s left everything to me..savings mainly
I’ve left everything to him, and my two children.
I asked what he wanted and he said 1/5 th and they get 2/5 th each

Everyone is happy with that.

He also gets the caravan which he probably would go to live in as he doesn’t want to live here on his own.

Angelf1sh · 26/12/2017 14:08

A Will would resolve the issues you raise - leaving a lifetime interest in a property to the surviving spouse. Ultimately though, if she wants to get married then that’s her business.

Twitchingdog · 26/12/2017 15:57

The main reason not marry at later age is the responsible of ill partner . If you are mot married you do not have care for the other person or pay for their care ( within what ever rule are around at the time)

There kids get to choose the home , talk to dr . This hard as you have no say in partner care but you don't habe provide it.

You are not just left with ill partner coming home you can walk away if you or children dont think you can cope.

TorchesTorches · 26/12/2017 16:36

The point about care is a valid one. My mum has a friend who has adult children and has been with her partner for about 10 years (they are not married). In the last couple of years she has developed dementia. Her adult children want to keep her holiday home so that they can continue to have holidays there as they have done since childhood, now with their own children. Her partner wants to sell the holiday home as she is no longer able to use it herself and it could pay for better care for her. I can see both sides and is a bit of a mess all round (I am sure there is a lot more to it than I have heard.)

Tipsntoes · 26/12/2017 16:45

This worries me often. If I die first, I'd want DH to be happy, but if he took a young glamorous wife Grin it's highly likely that her children would end up with "my" money.

Unless you have the kind of cash that involves trust finds, there doesn't seem to be a way to prevent it. There's not enough cash that I could leave it directly to DC, DH would need it for as long as he survives iyswim.

Mxyzptlk · 26/12/2017 16:56

If the couple have made wills leaving everything to each other it surely doesn't matter if they are married or not. The money and property will still all belong to the survivor.

If someone of an older age is worried about their money not eventually going to their ACs, it's up to them to make a will and arrange things suitably.

If an AC feels their inheritance has been removed from them by their parent's financial arrangements - tough!
It wasn't yours in the first place.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/12/2017 17:30

"If an AC feels their inheritance has been removed from them by their parent's financial arrangements - tough!
It wasn't yours in the first place."

Not sure about that. If a house is left by a grandparent to their child, do they intend for the house to eventually pas to their grandchildren or to the children of the child's second spouse?

I don't think anyone has a 'right' to inherit anything, but I can see why they wouldn't want a family home/inheritance going to a step family with no real connection to it.

LineyRunner · 26/12/2017 18:10

I would ask her to at least mirror the Scots system. It's there for a reason.

Original poster
NeverShine4me · 26/12/2017 19:02

Liney runner- what's the Scots system? Could you give me more info
Betty bagging- you mention how he wills were set up to enable protection. Would you be able to PM me about that a bit more.

I also worry because he is vocally very abusive to her and she does whatever he says. She has always had a weak personality and does whatever her current man says. She isn't happy about the amount of wine he drinks yet she does the shopping. I told her to stop buying it and she said her friends had told her that too but she can't as there would be trouble....

I despair. It's often like I am the parent and she is the child. I need to offer advice to her in the best and least confrontational way.

OP posts:
LineyRunner · 26/12/2017 19:10

In Scotland, basically, a child (including adult child) can't be inherited.

"Legal Rights
A surviving spouse or civil partner and children are entitled to certain "legal right" out of the deceased person's moveable estate. In Scots law, heritable property means land and buildings, while moveable property includes such things as money, shares, cars, furniture and jewellery.
The surviving spouse or civil partner is entitled to one-third of the deceased's moveable estate if the deceased left children or descendants of children, or to one-half of it if the deceased left no such children or descendants.
The children are collectively entitled to one-third of the deceased's moveable estate if the deceased left a spouse or civil partner, or to one-half of it if the deceased left no spouse or civil partner. Each child has an equal claim. Where a child would have had a claim had he (she) not died before his (her) parent, his (her) descendants may claim his (her) share by the principle known as representation."

www.gov.scot/Publications/2005/12/05115128/51285

zsazsajuju · 26/12/2017 19:11

No one does have any right to inherit anything. What a ghastly attitude that your mum shouldn’t get married cos you’re worried you won’t get her property when she dies. It’s up to her whether she gets married or not. And to the pp that says no one has the right to inherit but she can see why they wouldn’t want a step family to inherit- eh.? What difference does it make who inherits if you don’t.

And the Scots system of legal rights only applies to moveable property (eg not homes) and only in certain circumstances.

zsazsajuju · 26/12/2017 19:16

@never she sounds like a relative I have who is in a harmful co-dependant relationship with an alcoholic. I have chosen to disengage and stop trying to help (although still happy to see her) as there’s always an excuse as to why she can’t stop buying him drink, doing what he says, etc. If she doesn’t want help I can’t make her take it.

CPtart · 26/12/2017 19:18

My DM didn't re-marry after being widowed from my DF despite being in a happy long term relationship, as she would have lost her right to his sizeable pension.

HoHoHorsemad · 26/12/2017 23:16

I honestly cannot imagine why anybody would opt to get married at that age; it's hardly like you need to protect yourself in case you give up work to have children, is it?!

Accountant222 · 26/12/2017 23:44

I'm that age and there's no way I'd ever remarry in a million years

Chasingsquirrels · 26/12/2017 23:49

My now late-DH married me when he was 57, so nearly 60.
I'm bloody glad he didn't think he was too old to get married.

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