My ex has finally woken up to the fact he is a father...

[Cherryblossom200]

My ex and our child

Hi everyone,

I’ve posted on MN on a few occasions regarding this the situation with my ex and wanted a bit of advice regarding something which has happened today.

To cut a long story short. We met over 4 years ago, had a whirlwind romance - went on holiday together, met his family etc and then I fell pregnant. We were both late 30’s. He wanted me to get rid of the child and I did not. I kept my baby and brought my wonderful little girl up on my own. My ex left the country (which he had planned to do before he met me) and has never been in contact since.

Zoom forward to around September time, and I had to get a relative to contact him to get a full family health history as it was found that my daughter had a heart murmur, thankfully it’s nothing serious. He replied with the details. I thanked him and told him if he wished to have any details about our child I’m happy to provide it (photos etc)

Today he contacted me. He thanked me for my message, and said it had taken him a lot of thinking to decide if he wanted to know any details about our daughter but has decided he does want to know about her. Her name, date of birth and what she looks like. He then wished us both a happy Christmas.

I replied with the details, nothing too over the top with some nice photos of our daughter.

I feel it’s important for my daughter to know about her father and would love them to have some form of relationship.

In the past he has been very disconnected with the way in which he communicated about our child. Always calling her ‘the child’ and never wanting to be involved. This is obviously a huge step for him. I do wonder what he plans to do next? Seeing the photos will make it all real.

Anyone have any experience of this? I think it’s taken all of 3 years to get head round being a father.

OP, it's great that your ex is finally showing an interest in his daughter. However, don't expect the tide to turn quickly or immediately, if at all. He could simply be curious. Or it may be his parents want to see the granddaughter they never met. Now you've sent the pictures, leave the ball firmly in his court.

I’m prepared for him to not want anything more from this, just the basic information. And I’m definitely not going to push him into anything more. He has to want to do this.

But knowing him this is a huge deal to ask for this, he said he thinks of her often. Surely when you see photos of your own child you would want to meet them!?

It is great he is starting to take an interest. But you have to think it will be difficukt going from no children to suddenly having a child not a baby. Obviously thats not your fault. But he didnt want a baby in the first place. Again not your fault and ofcourse it takes 2 to tango so your little one is his responsibility too. But what im trying ti say is if you want him involved take your time as it would be a big adjustment for all of you. Especially your little one x

I really hope he does want to meet her and build a relationship too. But living abroad might mean that logistics can be used as a excuse.

The last I knew he was abroad, no idea where he is now. I haven’t asked those questions, I’ve jist kept it centred around our child. And yes it has harder to get to know an older child, but she’s still little enough (3 early next year) to create that bond I would hope.

Thanks for listening, you are all bringing up valid points.

I have never asked for any child maintenance and still don’t intend to. This isn’t amount money. This has always been about my child knowing her dad. If he becomes more involved, then yes that would have to change.

You are wonderful cherry. You are doing the right thing and your daighter will thank you for this x

Thank you Olive 😊