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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

would you date a man in this situation?

47 replies

pinkflowers8 · 23/12/2017 15:30

he's been separated for 4 months and about to start divorce proceedings.

i've known him a long time, his marriage was short (a year) and i understand why he is getting divorced. he is desperate for us to date - nothing has happened between us ever, but there has always been a spark.

i have feelings for him and i want to be with him. i havent told him this. what would you do in this situation? would you date?

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkflowers8 · 23/12/2017 19:47

no hes not living with her!! we have seen each other every night for the last month, bar one or two, and ive been to his same amount as him at mine.

helpful to read all the comments, thanku

OP posts:

Ellisandra · 23/12/2017 20:36

Has he actually filed for divorce?
And why does he say there are tough times ahead?

nousername123 · 23/12/2017 21:02

My partner hadn't been with his wife for like 5 years when I met him and his divorce was finalised like a month after I met him. He'd had another girlfriend in between. If he's living There, wait till he's moved out and perhaps go on a few dates with him but don't rush. Men tend to sleep around after a serious break up so maybe give him time to like adjust to life before you go rushing in x

HundredMilesAnHour · 23/12/2017 21:13

we have seen each other every night for the last month, bar one or two, and ive been to his same amount as him at mine.

Sounds like you've already made the decision to date him and then some!

If you're serious about this guy, I'd take your time and stop rushing it so much. Seeing him every other day is too much when he only separated 4 months ago. How do you know he isn't just filling his time with you rather than wanting to be with you specifically? I would be very wary of someone who had such a short lived marriage then within 4 months of separation was pledging their undying devotion to someone new (friend or no friend). Why can't you just be a supportive friend for a few months (without the romantic undercurrent - and every other night meetings) while he spends some time on his own? Sounds like he rushing into a rebound with you and you're letting him. And risking your friendship too.

lljkk · 23/12/2017 21:29

"tough times ahead" = splitting up the mutual marriage assets, I imagine.

mistermagpie · 23/12/2017 21:36

The other way round, but I started seeing somebody just a month or so after my separation from my ex husband. I have now been married to that somebody for three years (longer than my first marriage!), we have two sons and I'm happier than I have ever been in my life.

I did know him before so it wasn't a stranger IYSWIM, and I won't lie - the first year we were together was messy and stressful while I waited to get divorced and sort out property etc. Many times I considered throwing in the towel but I just knew that he was something special. He was and is and I'm so so glad we gave it a go.

So, give him a chance and if it doesn't work out, well it's not the end of the world is it?

mistermagpie · 23/12/2017 21:39

It's not true that you have to wait 2 years to divorce in the UK by the way. We just had to be separated for 1 year to apply and my divorce was final two months later. (Scotland)

NotSupposedtobeHere · 23/12/2017 21:42

they just have a space in their life which is woman-shaped and in you slot

This. It means they have someone to do their emotional housework and wifework, regular sex, and a constant ego boost all rolled up in one.

GeorgeTheHamster · 23/12/2017 22:05

You've seen him every night for a month? You're already dating. What you really mean is should you shag him!

GeorgeTheHamster · 23/12/2017 22:06

English law is different from Scots. It's two years in England

Original poster

pinkflowers8 · 23/12/2017 22:09

i guess i do mean should i shag him, but we havent even kissed!!

i feel like he is someone special, but then im sure everyone does at the start dont they!!

OP posts:

Oywotchadoin · 23/12/2017 22:10

You’ve seen him every day for a month and not kissed him?????????

Aroundtheworldandback · 23/12/2017 22:11

If he’s the right person i’d go for it or you’ll regret it. My now dh hadn’t started his divorce yet when we met.. I waited and we now have a wonderful life together.

Huskylover1 · 23/12/2017 22:12

You are totally over thinking this!!

I left a 20 year relationship in 2008. I felt ready to date immediately. I met my DH only 2 months later, and here we are, together for 9 years, very happily married.

Go for it.

Huskylover1 · 23/12/2017 22:14

we have seen each other every night for the last month, bar one or two, and ive been to his same amount as him at mine

But you haven't kissed or had sex? That's a bad sign, imo. Sounds like there's no spark.

Original poster

pinkflowers8 · 23/12/2017 22:18

there is definitely a spark!! im just wary as discussed in my post.... :/

OP posts:

thegrinchreaper · 23/12/2017 22:31

I'd be worried he's impulsive because: he's 'desperate' to date, his split is recent, his marriage lasted 12 months.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 23/12/2017 23:44

He started seeing you every day just 3 months after ending his marriage, which was only 12 months long? He has no feelings for his ex? What a dick. Imagine marrying someone then within a year feeling nothing for them. Psycho alert.

Are you a perhaps just a convenient shoulder to cry on?

If you want to have sex, go for it, but think to yourself that it will become a long term relationship.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 23/12/2017 23:45

It won't become a long term relationship.

LineyRunner · 23/12/2017 23:48

Just, no.

mikulkin · 24/12/2017 01:13

I started seeing my DP 4 months after he separated from his ex. That was almost 4 years ago - we live together now. His divorce came through spring this year despite it being amicable so these things take time.
I knew he was over his marriage, of course there was always a risk he was on rebound but hey if you don’t take a risk you will never know.
Good luck!

Ellisandra · 24/12/2017 07:43

OP, why are you ignoring several people asking if he's actually started the divorce yet?

And my question about why there are going to be tough times?

Makes me think you know you won't like the reactions to your answers.

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