Why am I so weak

[Happymummy92]

My marriage is over. I know it he knows it but I can't accept it.

DH works shifts so most childcare is down to me
And housework
For that matter. I can be a stressy cow but I also work 40hours a week and very rarely get a break.

DH was seen by my friend having coffee in a petrol station with another woman who turned out to be a work friend he had bumped into. Story was completely
Plausible I was annoyed but only because I didn't like getting that phone call from a
Friend. She said they weren't kissing or holding hands or anything just that she didn't recognise her so told me.

Since then I have questioned him on everything and he refuses to reassure me because 'he has done nothing wrong'. His phone is finger print locked but if I ask to look at it he gives me it...he told me
The unlock password for it and I tried it hjks morning as he slept and it was the wrong one. I woke him
And we had an argument with him
Adamant he'd given me the right one. Then he said he's had enough and is leaving and that's when I did it I begged him not to go I apologised to him and I had sex with him.

I hate myself I am a weak woman I never wanted to be a weak woman. I know he will leave in the new year and he's just here to et through xmas. Even my xmas presents from him I bought them yesterday as he had forgot and asked me
To grab them and I did!!!! I need a kick up the arse

Your not weak,you are stressed.You say you are a stressy cow .Do other people see you that way?If so ,change.This might mean change your partner,lifestyle but being stress is unattractive and bad for your own well being.
You say your husbands coffee with friend was plausible but was annoyed because your friend told you (hardly his fault).He gives you his phone if you want it but then you wake him up because you think he's given you the wrong password-if he's innocent it's no wonder he's annoyed.
Of course he might be a cheating scumbag but if he's not your actions are not helping.
If he's not pulling his weight then you have to decide what you want to do
Don't beat yourself up over begging him to stay ,you can always change your mind and ask him to leave when you feel stronger.

The coffee was with a work
Colleague that I do not like and he knows she makes me feel
Uncomfortable. He also
Lied to my friend who it was to begin with and then eventually told me a few hours later. See he was meant to be in the gym when he went for this coffee so I'll be honest when I first was told I thought the worst...

I have really been making an effort with my stress levels and have completely back off him no nagging to help I've just been getting on with it. But nothing seems to make him happy anymore apart from his work
Friends

I was trying to look at it from both points of view but if he's lying to you that's not a good sign.Maybe he's lied because he knows you disapprove .
He may feel that he has the power but this often changes in relationships and it often the supposed weaker one who triumphs in the end.