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Original poster

I have to phone my dad

15 replies

LadyCassandra · 23/12/2017 11:04

I don't want to. We barely speak, I live on the other side of the world from him. I haven't spoken to him for a year, we send birthday and Christmas presents, we send texts to say thank you.
But I'm pregnant, with number 3, and I have to tell him. You don't do that by text do you? And I have to do it now because someone in my family told his sister, my aunt, who hates him and she will love that she knew before him, so it's a ticking time bomb until she tells him.
I hate speaking to him, it's awkward and my stepmother will judge.
DH is out, and I've been putting it off for an hour.
Someone talk me into it!

OP posts:
yorkshires · 23/12/2017 11:06

I feel like that when I have to call my DB. You will fell immense relief when it's over, just think about when it's over! Oh and think of a way to cut the call short. Postman?

Twitchingdog · 23/12/2017 11:11

You don't have phone anyone you don't want too. . When was the last time he phone you?

Original poster
LadyCassandra · 23/12/2017 11:19

See Twitchingdog that is the conversation I have in my head! I know he moans to my sister that he doesn't hear from me, but he never calls. It's like he wants to blame me for the fact that we don't have a relationship, rather than accepting that I'm actually not that important to him.

OP posts:
Hissy · 23/12/2017 11:24

Ok so he’s loathesome, and your aunt, his sister, hates him too...

So maybe she’s more of an ally than you think

Let him find out via her!

IF he says anything, remind him that phones and Skype work both ways these days and it seemed so one way that you wondered how long it would be if you stopped being the constant contact instigatator.

He’s the other side of the world, so what if he festers..

ChickenMom · 23/12/2017 11:40

Don’t do it. I never call my dad and I actually like him. He hears everything about my life through other people and he’s not bothered. He has only once ever text me so this communication thing works both ways. Just leave it. Who cares if he finds out in another way. You don’t speak, you don’t see him...maybe it might make him make more effort? No point flogging a dead donkey in my opinion

f83mx · 23/12/2017 11:55

Don't do it - seriously i would text my dad that i was pregnant and we're on good terms! He would not be bothered and if i was NC with someone I really wouldn't be putting myself out to pass on news - f it!

Original poster
LadyCassandra · 23/12/2017 11:59

You're all right. I just feel guilty. It's crap.
It's late here now, maybe I'll feel differently in morning.
I tried to call this morning but DS had a meltdown as I was calling so I hung up. He tried to call back, so I text saying I'd call tonight. So he's expecting me to call now! Confused

OP posts:
Darkbendis · 23/12/2017 13:19

You call when you can, when you feel up to it, and you can keep it as short as you want (can finish it "DS crying/calling for me, got to go, have a great Christmas, byeee!!) And you can put it like "we are all happy that I am pregnant, such a wonderful thing for the children to get a brother or a sister next year" - so you are happy, you are looking forward to it, you are doing well and not asking for their approval, support or anything, and if stepmother judges you, so what? She's far away, doesn't speak much to you, doesn't see you, she can keep her judgemental ways for herself.

Look at the good side of this, you get on and over with it, wish them Happy Holidays or whatever it's traditional in your family and you don't need to talk to him again for a long time unless you feel like it. Just "Thank you" texts for presents, and someone else can let him know when DC3 is born (as you'll be in hospital etc), if you don't feel like talking to him in the next few months.

OnTheRise · 23/12/2017 17:43

You don't have to tell him on the phone. You can send him a text if you feel better doing that. Or you can just not tell him at all. It's entirely up to you. There is no "should" here, just what works best for you.

Or leave it to his sister to tell him. If that happens, refuse to get drawn into the fallout.

It's your news, you can deal with it how you like.

Original poster
LadyCassandra · 23/12/2017 22:01

Its done! He was fine, didn't speak to SM. Think my sister had prepped them...!
Phew! Now to enjoy Christmas!

OP posts:
Twitchingdog · 24/12/2017 11:25

Well done. Have a lovely christmas xxxx

yorkshires · 24/12/2017 11:44

Well done Smile
I know people say to go no contact with people all the time but I think that a few texts a year to keep in touch will make you feel better if ever they sadly passed.

OnTheRise · 24/12/2017 21:54

I know people say to go no contact with people all the time but I think that a few texts a year to keep in touch will make you feel better if ever they sadly passed.

You don't keep in touch when you go NC. That's the whole point of NC.

yorkshires · 24/12/2017 22:00

You have misunderstood what I said, can't be arsed to explain it, wasn't that difficult.

Original poster
LadyCassandra · 25/12/2017 20:27

We are not NC, just in a situation where he can't be bothered. It's been like this since he left when I was 8. I have come to the conclusion that he is now living the life he always wanted, in a little bubble with my SM. But he's not that happy about it.
yorkshires that's exactly how I feel, and the guilt laid on me by my SM if he did die would be ridiculous.

OP posts:
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