Have got myself into difficulty with DB over burial of DGM ashes. We had the cremation followed by wake 3yrs ago shortly after she died. Our cousin was executor of the will and had power of attorney, and recently raised that the ashes had not been buried. Our cousin was ill and emailed me to ask if I could arrange it. I got onto funeral director, arranged the family headstone to be lifted and carved and booked a date for the burial. I posted it on family social media giving nearly 1 month notice and welcoming anyone contributions and attendance. Next thing is that DB has left the family social media group and separately contacted me with a short message to say I am a first class c* for burying DGM without his knowledge, and ending up with an insult to my religion. My DM then phones me to say I have caused breakdown of her and DB relationship and that I have acted spitefully & maliciously in not involving him in the burial arrangements.
There is backstory to this in that DB lives on another continent and had split from his DW of 15yrs who was 5 months pregnant (at Christmas!). He then admitted that he had another woman abroad who he then got pregnant straight away. He therefore now has 2 babies born 4 months apart in different countries. The 2 women are all amicable but obviously there was a lot of stress for him and our DM (as DB was upset and ashamed and therefore gave her a hard time). DGM was DM ex MIL as our parents divorced (DF was an only child and died before DGM), so DM not involved in any arrangements for the burial other than I had asked her to babysit my DC whilst I travelled as it was a day trip (4hr drive each way). A few weeks prior to me booking the date I had discussed the burial with my mum to ask re the babysitting, and had said that I wouldn't tell my DB about it. I said this because I felt that DM went on at me and I didn't really mean it (& really would not have buried the ashes without telling hin), but she did warn me that DB wouldn't like it if he was not involved.
Anyway - several months have now gone on since his offensive email and DB and I have not communicated at all. Should I try and apologise bearing in mind he called me a c* in writing? I don't really feel sorry because I dont think I acted badly, but If I don't contact him I don't think we will ever communicate again. We don't share similar values and clash a lot on politics/feminism/religion etc, however he is my only DB and if I have done something which everyone else thinks appears spiteful then I would like to try and make amends. In essence do you think it is unreasonable for me to have not contacted him separately about the arrangements and tailored them to him ? This is usually the case, and pisses me off eg trying to get him to commit to attending our DM 70th birthday party earlier that year and not succeeding despite multiple options presented to him. If you all think I should apologise I would appreciate ideas on how to do this. Thanks for reading - sorry if it is long and jumbled. With regard to DM I am going to family counselling with her (organised by me) as I definitely don't want to live without her in my life.