Name calling in an arguement

[Andrewsgirl]

Where do you see the boundaries here? I think when you get to the level of name calling it crosses a line. I've been in an abusive relationship before, and when me and my partner argue it feels like he starts verbally attacking me (recent argument he called me disgusting and sick) I find it very hard to cope with. What's normal ?

Me and dh argue. I have never name called him and vice versa

It's basic kindness. I chose him as my life partner. Why would I want to hurt him. I can object to his behaviour at times but if I consider him a certain type of person I cannot tolerate then I would end it

DH and I don't name call. If we argue, we discuss whatever the issue is. If we are too angry, we leave it until we've calmed down enough to talk sensibly. I couldn't be with someone who name called and became verbally aggressive. Anything of that nature is a red flag for me.

Name calling is a no-no here. We've never done it in 15 years. It's a massive red line.

Yep. I have been married for 25 years. No name calling ever

41 years no name calling on either side. It's just basic respect for another human being. Actually I've never called anyone names like that.

No name calling here either. My XH used to call me terrible things then either forget or say he had or say he hadn’t meant it. When you’re the one it’s being done to you don’t forget and it chips away at the love and trust till it’s gone.

I wouldn’t be with someone I could call horrible names, I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t mean it and if I meant it I’d hate him and I couldn’t be married to someone I hate.

If it feels wrong then it is.

Even when he was in agony through cancer and angry because he wasn't going to get better, my dear husband showed me nothing but respect. He would have been horrified at the thought of insulting me.

I don't think there is any place for name calling in any relationship.

My husband and I argue - who doesn't? - but we try to keep our objections to the other party's behaviour rather than personality.

I might say that was a stupid thing to do to my husband but I would not call "him" stupid.

My Mum used to call me a "little bitch" from when I was about 10 onwards and she has also called me a "tramp" and told me she "finds me offensive"...
... then I got married and my first husband called me everything - his favourite was "ugly irish bitch".

I just can't believe that you can say you love somebody and then call them something that would hurt them. I have never called my own daughter anything but loving names such as "sweetie pie".

Whoever said it chips away at you above is correct.

DP and I argue very rarely (twice in 6 years full blown argument) and have the odd bicker but never ever have we name called or sworn at each other. That would be an absolute dealbreaker for me, and for him too.
Both of us had abusive marriages before, so make a conscious effort to talk to each other about irritations instead of blowing up.

My ex used to call me names all the time, as soon as we started to disagree i was all sorts, stupid common c##t or mental bitch were his favourites. If he was really pissed at me he would start calling my family names too.
I ended it with him this year after his names turned into physical violence too. I'd save yourself a whole heap of shit and end it now if I was you.
This is definitely one of my boundaries now. I recently went on a few dates with someone. During a conversation about something we disagreed on he said something along the lines of, 'are you being fucking stupid' my reaction was to no longer date that person and to have no more contact I didn't feel the need to explain why I just cut them off. No point having boundaries if you allow people to cross them.

My DH could win an award at name calling. He also throws in, 'I could give you some home truths, but I won't'. I say to him stop threatening and just tell me if you know something, but he won't. He really does say the most hurtful things. As I mentioned in another thread, names do hurt more than sticks and stones.

Why are you with him water ?

When you start name calling, it's basically all downhill from there.

AnyFucker Why am I with him? I had a nervous breakdown a few years ago, it left me agoraphobic and with terrible social anxiety. I thought he would look after me like I looked after him, when he was physically ill, but he's like a lot of people, if you can't see it, it doesn't exist. I don't love him. I should have left him years ago, I wish I had before the breakdown. Now I am trapped, and it's all my own fault.

Lovey, do you think your mental health would improve without him dragging you down ?

12 years. No name calling ever on either side. Except when he beats me at a board game. All bets are off then.

Seriously though, I love him and he loves me - I don't want the aftermath of any argument to involve sifting through hurtful comments to try to deal with. We argue very rarely and never shout/rant. We disagree and talk and work through it regardless of the issue.

AnyFucker yes I probably would, but I can't even go outside, and because of my social anxiety I can't interact with people. I have stopped all friends and relatives visiting me because I find it too stressful, bless them, they all understand. But, you know what? As bad as things can be, at least with the help of specialist medication, I feel I am in a better situation than I was, before and during my breakdown, which gives you some idea of how bad things were.

I am sorry. I hope you can remove his nastiness from your life very soon. We only get one, after all.

Worst we've ever said is "shut up and leave me alone ".

Not normal. Sounds like you are in another abusive relationship.