Feel like a live in babysitter with no friends

[esparadisimo]

DH and I have 2 DCs. I am self employed and don't have any colleagues as such. DH has plenty of colleagues and plenty of invites to different christmas functions and gatherings. At this time of year, I tend to just feel like a live in babysitter as DH enjoys himself with friends on different works and friends celebrations.
I myself have been out once with friends for our annual christmas meal, have had friends over to the house once and have been out with friends and DH once in December... so 3 things in total.
DH, will have been out 3evenings in 4 consecutive days (amongst many other christmas functions throughout December.)
I speak to friends and hear how them and their DH are having friends over/visiting friends together etc etc during the evenings before Christmas and mine are spent sat in the house alone whilst DH busies himself on many of his Christmas outings.
He just assumes I'm ok to stay in and do this as I guess it's what I usually do, but Id like the option to enjoy time spent with friends and/or DH, afterall it is christmas. I'd quite like to invite friends over to the house etc, but I don't have many and DH seems happy to be out of the house most evenings enjoying himself.
I'm feeling a bit used, under-valued and under-appreciated to be honest as its assumed im ok to sit in the house with DCs in bed. Surely christmas time should largely involve the 2 of us together in the evenings with friends if we choose or alone time together if not? DH is often so busy with work during the week, now that we've both taken time off for christmas, I don't understand why we're not enjoying this time together. I'm also quite envious of the time he's getting to socialise in comparison to myself. I don't want to have to start going out all the time purely to prove a point to him, but I don't want to feel like a live in babysitter whilst he has all the fun either.

Don’t think ops friendships are the issue really!

Is it like this throughout the year or just Christmas that’s a problem?

Kicking ? Nah.

Op's sentence "I don't have time to enjoy myself when there is so much to do to prepare for Christmas" says it all really

Distribution of leisure time. If you accept that your husband is excused from shitwork then yes, you will end up doing it all and feeling resentful while he swans off socialising.

This is the trap you can fall into when you have young kids and also don't work outside the home. You need to demand more from him and he needs to see how unhappy you are that you are the default parent.

... it's the difference between being asked whether it's OK for him to be out again vs the assumption that it is OK.

It sounds as if this might have been the pattern of you relationship since you had children

I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely - & pregnant with no 3 is probably exasperating it as you know it won’t change much in the near future. But you can get a workable compromise if you try. flowers

Well, only if he tries too

People don't know what the whole of your marriage is like and can only go on what you've said.

You don't have friends (or not many), that's not your husband's fault.

He has more opportunities to go out ...but you seem to want him to turn them down.... and that's not going to happen.

You have young DC and another on the way.... I suggest you consider carving out one evening for yourself when you've had the baby and have a routine in place ...either go to the gym, pursue a hobby.... do something to have that evening sacred.

Sandy

You are right

I don't read it that she wants him not to go out - but that she wants him to want to stay in with her sometimes. And (presumably) be there to look after the children more often - OP is also 6 months pregnant

I'm sensing pity party.

OP, it's Christmas, he's got invited out, it's what happens at Christmas.
He can't help you're self employed and don't have work colleagues. You need to be happy he's sociable and has a life. However, I completely get you're feeling left out. Why don't you try and join some clubs? Try to make new friends?

I know you have to initiate social events because he doesn't and this is what we women do I'm afraid. It used to annoy the hell out of me too but there we are. Invite his mates over, take the initiative.

You get a babysitter once a month..... it's more than lots of couples get OP.

@Hotpinkangel19

So true.