Am I participating in an affair?!

[WW31]

I really do hope not but I am starting to wonder!!

Ok so story is, back in a July; I posted on Facebook asking for recommendations on a holiday & this guy I've known of for years messaged me regarding that, we got chatting, 100% innocent, friendly messages, how's your day etc....
I say innocent but I suppose messaging someone which a girlfriend, just friendly or not may not be classed as 100% innocent) but a lot of them, like all day every day...

Anyway he then asked me if I wanted to go out with him one night, I said no as I wasn't really interested in him and more importantly he had a girlfriend & kids!

A couple of weeks went by, we were still chatting every day and then told me that he has separated from the gf but was still living there due to the kids and having no where to go etc... (I do believe they separated as it did become common knowledge) but I still reused the date offer.

Anyway fast forward 2 months of separation and then still living together, ya still chatting a lot, I decided to take the offer up - we got on really well, saw each other quite a lot over and started having sex.

A couple of weeks in he goes a bit off and can't come round as much....
I question him about this and he says his gf (ex??) keeps asking where he is going so he can't get out as much.. bit strange if they aren't together?

Now 5 weeks into us seeing each other, 5 months of messaging, I ask him up front 'are you still in a relationship with her or not' & 'where does that leave us' I tell him if he is that we are stopping because it's not fair on her to be cheated on and no way on earth am I having an affair!!!

His response 'I dunno, & I dunno, I hope that answers your questions'

The thing is I now have strong feelings for this guy & he has told me he has feelings for me so... I don't really know what to do!!

Ok well yes you are. And if he's happy to lie to you and cheat on her then please don't think he won't continue to do it to you even if he does split up with her.

I'd also be fuming that he's potentially putting everyone's sexual health at risk by sleeping around.

Good luck with that, he sounds a real catch

Walk away. Yes, you were unwittingly having an affair, you didn't know, now you do. Maybe they were "separated" at one point but they clearly aren't any more. He probably does this to the poor woman all the time.

yes

Thought as much!

Thanks guys!

This is exactly why I didn't let anything happen for the first 4 months as I didn't want to be in this position but stupidly I have now let myself get there & catch feelings for him along the way.

He's been with the woman 10 years too!
I suspect you're all right and he does do this all the time.

It's going to be hard to walk away. But you have to. Take the moral high ground.
For yourself but also for his girlfriend and children.

He is cheating on both of you. Best out of it.

It's a crap realisation WW31, hope you are ok Onwards and upwards!

unwittingly, but yes. Tell him to ram it

Christ he saw you coming didn't he and you fell for it.

Of course you're having an affair. And of course he'll do it to you too. Cut and run.

Do you know where he lives? If so, I'd turn up and surprise him. If not, there's probably a reason for that!

You poor thing. He sounds horrible. Run as fast as you can away from the creep

Dunno why you kept talking to him after he asked you out the first time and you said no. It was wrong to keep chatting. And now you're the other woman. Congratulations.

You need to stop believing so readily what men tell you. They will say anything to get in your knickers.

@ShatnersWig Yup! Certainly seems that way!

@Huskylover1 Yes I do know where he lives, it's only the next street! I can do that though can I... kids??

@category12 you are completely right there, I should have.

Cut & run is what I will do! Albeit not as easy to actually do as to say it!

Bloody hell, the first person I have been with after breaking up from a 10 year marriage, 14 months ago too!

Yes get out of there ASAP whatever he truth is about his situation he has clearly used you for sex and boosting his ego with all those messages

Maybe they have separated maybe not but it sounds like he’s not ready to walk away from the cosy lifestyle - Home, partner, kids etc

Get out of there this relationship will never come to anything and the only person that will get hurt in all of this is YOU

It was a very risky situation for you emotionally regardless, separating but living together is very rarely the same as a real separation, they will have had constant contact, probably did stuff with the kids etc, it's just not the same as being alone in a house dealing with the real emotions etc. that come from separating.

Also even if they lived apart very few people are going to be ready for anything real after only 2 months out of a 10 year relationship, there's a whole process that most people need to go through and he would not have even begun to start that process if he was in contact with you right from the start as he would have had something new and exciting to keep him from grieving the relationship loss properly.

Sounds like there is nothing to do in this case except never go back to him and block his number, he can't even be bothered to explain the situation to you, he can't even be bothered to come up with a lie!!