DH is a bit down after a bereavement and I'm struggling with it

[NoOneLikesMilkyWay]

DH's mum passed away this year and he seems so down at the minute as it's the first Christmas without her.

I'm really struggling to communicate with him and although it's selfish I'm starting to feel a bit lonely and taken for granted.

I miss him, it doesn't help that we haven't managed to get out anywhere just the two of us lately, for various reasons babysitting has fallen though.

He doesn't seem to want to talk about it. I'm just biting my tongue as I've said the wrong thing and put my foot in it about his dad after his mum died so I don't think he'd want to talk to me. I don't know what to do tbh. Keep on going and hope he snaps out of it? I don't think it's depression but I could see it going that way if it keeps up.

Just for non drip feeding, his relationship with his mum was tricky and his dad is imo a terrible father who abandoned his children when they needed him.

I’m NC with my parents but I still love them and I’m very worried how I will react when they die. It will bring up a lot of mixed confusing issues.

Will you DH take to someone else? A friend? Another family member?
Would he consider bereavement counselling?

It must be so hard for you both.

Thanks ihate, that must be tough for you too.

His sister is a possibility. I was reluctant to bring her into it because she must be finding it hard enough herself but if it keeps up its a good idea. He would hopefully find it easier to talk to her about it.

I don't think he'd consider counselling, he's very much of the let the past go because it's the past school of thought. It's only recently he's told me about some things that happened and we've been together for about 16 years.

It has worked for him tbf, he's the most well balanced and kindest man I know so I hate seeing him like this and feeling helpless.

Maybe his sister and him having a really good chat about their parents will help.
Me and my brother were adopted, he still has low contact with our parents but when we get together and talk about them we sort of feel that no one else would really understand because they didn’t live our lives.

The first christmas without your mum is a very weird time. Just support him however he needs it.

I think the first Christmas will be hard for him.I lost my much loved Dad in September.Losing a parent is hard.Support him and I hope things improve.It is especially hard at this time of year.I find keeping busy.has helped enormously.Don't be afraid to mention his Mum at Christmas.He will undoubtedly be thinking about her.

It will be hard now that it is Christmas. Be patient and kind to him.

It'll be a very hard Christmas. And a hard few years for the majority of people. It's such a mistake to see grief as something that someone is mostly over by the first anniversary yet it's amazing how common that view is (not from you, OP). I'd encourage you to advise him to seek some bereavement counselling if he's amiable to it. I went through losing my mum while in a relationship and sadly the effect on me, and on my OH seeing me suffer so greatly, changed me as a person and ultimately ripped us apart. It's one of the most stressful and agonising experiences one can go through. You're gonna have to get your support from your own friends for the new year or two so you can support him as best you can.