Overwhelmingly Sad sometimes - just pull myself together?

[Frogleg2084]

Hi All

Been married for 3 yrs, DC but together for 11. I dont know if I want to be with DH anymore. There is no spark whatsoever, hes a kind man, fairly generous although funny with money sometimes (like I need clothes while on mat leave, my money was for bills this was big deal so I altered stuff instead). He isn't bad looking, we get on well, laugh still but no spark.Hes alright in bed, but sometimes I cringe. Little quirks of his annoy me to anger now, I know I have changed I was like a mouse when we first met (late teens) but I'm more assertive now (not sure if thats the right word, maybe just a lot less.insecure in myself maybe) I dont want to break up DH & DC but sometimes im so sad I just sit and cry.
It doesn't sound that bad but I don't know what to do.

Are you sure it is the hubby or maybe depression?

What do you get out of this relationship now, what is in this for you still? It does sound that bad actually.

I am wondering if your H's behaviours re money has contributed to you feeling unhappy overall in your relationship. How was he kind here when you were on mat leave and altered stuff instead, short answer is that he was not. How is he with you day to day now?. What else annoys you about him?. You were a mouse when you met him and I think he still has the vast majority of the power and control in your relationship now. You do not owe your H a relationship.

He can still be a parent to his children even if you are apart. It sounds also like he has broken up this family unit anyway by his past actions.

Would you want your children as adults to have a relationship with someone like their dad?. What are you teaching them about relationships here?. Is this what you would want for them as adults too?

I dont think he is controlling, just a bit funny with money occasionally. We have everything separate pay half and half of bills and then what's left is ours. Hes better now DC is here. I have to organise everything, nothing would happen unless I did it. Or I have to ask over and over. He does work hard. I can go out when he says he wants to make me happy.
I'm worried if I list everything it might be recognisable. Maybe it is just me, I feel awful for feeling the way I do.

Can you clarify 'i can go out when he says he wants to make me happy'? I take that to mean you ask his permission to go out? Is that correct?

No, sorry! Stupid fat fingers. No I can go out whenever I like. He says he wants to make me happy in general. But I'm just so 'meh' all the time.

I hadn't even thought about it being a problem with me, I just keep going. I've found being a mum tough although I love DC very much. @ConfusedWife1234 your message hit a cord and I think you might be right.