How do you cope with the mental and emotional load

[JaceLancs]

I live alone with adult DC (they are great btw and help practically and are there for me - I don’t want to burden them with everything else) so don’t really have anyone to share my load with
I have elderly parents DM has dementia and DF at 92 is physically frail - they need a lot of help and don’t understand that I have a lot going on - tonight I called in my way home from work to sort out their xmas tree lights make sure they had food in and organise medication
My sort of DP has mental health issues and am currently being called on to help him get through Xmas and sort out a job change which will cause a financial blip in an already precarious situation
I have a fairly stressful job in senior management within the voluntary sector - as well as trying to ensure the vulnerable people we support get what they need - I also have to source the money that provides the services which also keeps myself and my colleagues in work and ensure that this charitable funding is spent properly and not wasted
Another elderly relative who has no other support has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness and I am being asked to be power of attorney, sort out other legalities, end of life care etc - which I will do as much as I can to help - including rehoming pets
I have my own health issues and was recently in hospital for surgery - but didn’t feel I could take enough time out of work or caring for others to care for myself
However it’s the mental and emotional load that is the worst - I’m forgetting to do things - despite list making - getting very stressed - I’ve always thought of myself as a strong person but on my first day back at work felt so overwhelmed I had to pull over whilst driving home to be sick
Tonight I eventually got home at 8.30 after stopping to buy food which I was then too tired to cook and felt like jumping under the nearest bus
I did relax a bit in the end and am currently sat with a sleepy kitten on my knee!
In the absence of any more practical help - how can I cope with the rest of the load?
I feel like I’m having to do all the thinking for so many other people all the time
Apologies for the essay if you’ve read this far......

No great advice but just wanted to say you are incredibly strong and coping with an enormous amount, can you have some time off at Christmas? I don’t think this load is sustainable long term, you poor thing

Are you getting all the help you can as a Carer?
Have you had a Carers Assessment?

It’s not sustainable, as you are finishing out, and you need to get some other support in place.

Hugs to you.

I’m off for the bank holidays only - but do have some time off in January - when I go away I am fairly good at switching off - but sorting everything out beforehand and knowing I will come back to everything including a mountain of not done ‘stuff’ takes the gloss off somewhat

Not been officially assessed as a carer but that’s partly the field I work in and know there’s not much support available
At some stage parents n elderly relative will need care packages but are currently not meeting threshold and will not accept outside help or help they cannot afford (even if that is a perceived cannot afford)
For example DM will not use taxis but expects others to run her around - I try and explain that if I can’t get a lift or drive for all sorts of reasons I have to pay for taxis but it falls on deaf ears
I do say no sometimes but know on other occasions if I don’t help it just won’t happen which then has other knock on negative effects eg not attending a hospital appointment

Have you got dial-a-ride in your area?

Sounds like you might have to start saying No.

Is there a Carers policy at your place of work?
They ought to be flexible with you so you can get to appointments etc.

Are you good at prioritizing?
Sometimes you may have to drop the ball.