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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My dp is finding dd hard to cope with

9 replies

tammybear · 23/07/2004 18:19

Im in a tough situation, and really I should have changed my name for this in case dp looks, but oh well.

Dp and I had a couple of arguements at the beginning of the week. Both arguements had my dd brought up, and Im slightly upset/confused over it. Dp isn't dd's father, which I know upsets him, as he realises dd will never be his.

Dd has been very loud this week. She was whinging a lot one day, and when she isnt whinging, shes usually screaming (good screaming that is). Dp got annoyed with all this, and went to "sulk" in my bedroom. I left it for about 10mins, and then went up to see him. He then told me he couldnt cope with it, and hated to be in my house because it was just noise noise noise. Other things he said were that dd isnt his, so he doesnt have to put up with it (which yeah is true but not a very nice thing to say); he thinks that dd will hate him when shes older because she'll think he's split up her mummy and daddy; he thinks she gives him funny looks, and he can sense that she doesnt like him.

i think he's just being silly, but i can understand his point of views, and i realise that he gets upset over stuff like this because he cares, and doesnt want to upset dd. Except for the bit where he was saying dd is really loud and it drives him crazy. Ive told him that compared to most kids, dd is a really good girl. I know someone who's ds cries most of the time and he is dd's age. its not as if she's always crying, and when she's screaming its just her way of saying she's enjoying herself as she cant talk yet. He hasnt been around children much, so I think that is why it annoys him so much.

Im not sure why Im posting this, I guess I would like to see what other peoples views are on this

OP posts:
hercules · 23/07/2004 18:24

The problem isnt your dd sweetie but your dp. If you're a parent even a step one you get what you get - an angel one day, a monster the next. It sounds like 2 children.
I go back to what I've said before - he is very young - too young for such a responsility.
I know you get annoyed with your family but perhaps they do have your best interests at heart and can see he's not right for you or your dd.
You always sound so lovely - there is masses of time for you to be strong on your own and meet a decent man in the future.

tammybear · 23/07/2004 18:31

I know the problem isnt dd, and like ive said i feel blessed that she is as good as she is. i do agree that he is young for all this too hercules. he did say it upset him that it's always the three of us, and that me and him never seem to have just "us" time even though i told him right from the beginning that he has to except me as a package

OP posts:
hercules · 23/07/2004 18:32

Maybe YOU might enjoy it just dating him for a while although I can see getting a babysitter would be very difficult.

tammybear · 23/07/2004 18:37

its not often we do go out on our own, and lately we havent/wont be able to because my mum usually has dd if we do, but ive got problems with her at the moment, so i cant exactly ask her for help i dont know who else i can ask really

OP posts:
joanneg · 23/07/2004 19:00

tammy. My stepdad brought me up from when I was 9. I always saw him as my Dad, but he was similar to your dp. He was quite strict with me as well, and when him and my mum had a child together favoured her.

Children are very excepting and your dd will not resent him when she is older for splitting up her mum and dad. But she will resent him for not excepting her. He has been given this wonderful opportunity to have a step daughter that will look up to him. A little ready made family.

If he seeks guidence and help on how to parent her and except her this could be great. But if he carries on with this sulking and resorting to being like a sibling to your dd, rather than a parent, then she is going to pick up on this and your home is going to be a battle ground.

I still feel sad that my step dad didnt except me and try to see me as his own. I hope that your dp will work at this and hopefully it will turn out so your daughter has two good male role models.

sobernow · 23/07/2004 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tammybear · 23/07/2004 19:38

dp can be really petty and pathetic especially when we argue. i often feel like shaking him too sobernow

I had an arguement with my mum the day we got back from holiday and on my birthday, so things are very awkward, and I apologised but she's being a bit awkward, which is understandable I suppose, although I argued with her because she really p**sed me off (long story)

OP posts:
sobernow · 23/07/2004 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tammybear · 23/07/2004 19:46

not sure, she's having a hard time too. but i may see what she can do. she said she'd pop over one afternoon this week

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