I have never written on here before, and need some help. I don’t know what to do. I am nearly 5 months pregnant and have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. I think today is the last straw, after what I now think is years of emotional abuse. This morning before work, I asked my husband to move the child seats from my car to his (he has the day off today and is looking after the children while I am at work). He wouldn’t, so I took them out, and told him he would have to fit them himself, as they are heavy, I am pregnant, and was going to be late for work. On the drive to work I had several missed calls from him and a load of messages telling me I needed to call him (using not very nice language). I called him when I got to work and he began screaming at me as he couldn’t fit the car seats. I tried explaining and he began telling me I was an idiot, swearing, calling me useless and that I had the communication skills of a toddler. I myself have only fitted the one seat once, as my 1 year old has only recently moved into it. I then said for him to give me a minute and I would send him a link to the video instructions on how to fit the seat. He then began screaming again, and telling me I had better not hang up on him, to stop being an idiot, and to just explain. The screaming went on for ages and I am sat in my work car park, crying my eyes out and can hear my kids crying in the house as they hate it when he gets so angry. Eventually I hung up and sent him the video, and he managed to fit the seat, and since then have had endless messages calling me the c word, an f’ing idiot, how it’s my fault he is going to be late going out etc. I can’t take anymore.
Like I said this is the last straw. He constantly belittles me, tells me I am useless, has told me he hates me, pouits me down. We went to a family party on the weekend and he told me I looked nice…..for a granny. When we go out he always walks ahead of me, never waits or helps, and he knows I can’t walk as fast pregnant and pushing a buggy and tells me to hurry up all the time. On several occasions over the years he has grabbed me by the throat, including when I have been pregnant and when I have been holding a newborn baby. The last time was a few weeks ago when he hit his head because I had asked him to fix a shelf on a bookcase in our sons room, so he grabbed me by the throat. After my second was born, I was really unwell and turns out I had pluracy, I could barely breathe, and was struggling with a then 20 month old and a newborn. He told me he hated me and I was useless because he asked me a question that I couldn’t answer. During rows he has thrown a highchair across the room, and has often threatened to hurt me. When he calms down he tells me he is sorry, and that I wind him up, and don’t help the situation, and he will try to stay calm in the future. Little things all the time, digs about my cooking, that the house isn’t clean enough, that I only work part time, and he ‘provides everything’. He can be so horrible to our little boy (he has never hit him), but he has grabbed him and shaken him, and the last time I did ask him to leave, as I said I wouldn’t have my children in that environment. He refused to leave and told me I would have to be the one to go. I don’t want to have to leave our home – my parents paid for practically all the furniture, I paid the deposit, but since having the children I am only able to work part time, so for the last year he has paid 2/3 of the bills. He said he will never leave, and that if I leave him , it will be my fault, and he will burn the house to the ground rather than let me have it. He has told me that if I ever changed the locks he would smash every window, and I believe him. When he gets drunk, he is absolutely vile, says terrible things, wets himself, wets the bed, is sick everywhere. A few months before our wedding he got so drunk he kicked my car so much that he dented the panels, and we had to call the police. I know If I left him he would at best trash the house in a drunken rage, and I dread to think what else.
I have always made excuses for his behaviour – stress at work, stress of being a parent etc- and think it was my fault for winding him up but I really don’t think anything I have ever done warrants his behaviour.
I can’t talk to any friends or family as I am so ashamed and embarrassed that I have let this happen. I don’t want to be a single parent, I don’t know how I will manage, but am beginning to think there is no other option. I don’t want people to think I am taking the easy way out by leaving and feel I should try harder to fix things but I don’t know what to do. I am on eggshells constantly. I don’t know what to do.