friend dumped

[msbrightside]

I've fallen out massively with my best friend. sounds childish but its hurting like hell. she became less tolerant of my moods and drinking. fair enough, just don't know whether to try and prove myself to her (I'm now on hormone replacement so the moods should improve, and i would like to drink less) or am i wrong in thinking a true friend would stick with me regardless.

I've been a good friend to her, i know i have, so maybe she's just gone off me. i have been down this year, i know i have and maybe we dump on our closest friends, i don't know, mostly i try and keep my dark stuff away from friends, its not pretty.
I'm so sad, and miss her. i then question my reliance on friends/bf are they core to our well being or should i manage alone? is she a good friend?
I have no parents and my family are diff so the sense of isolation is big, friends have been my family. apparently people are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. i thought we'd be laughing together in our nursing home...
do i go for a xmas gesture of reconciliation or let her go?

I think it depends on what caused the row. Was there a particular incident or comment, esp involving your drinking, that upset her? If you were at fault have you apologised? If yes and yes, then I’d give her space for now.

I agree that friends are hugely important and you should be able to lean on each other in good times and bad. But friendship isn’t unconditional and there can be things which test the boundaries too far and can result in a breakdown of the relationship.

Have you been a good friend to her and given her space and energy to share what’s going on in her life as well?

thanks AnneLovesGilbert
no one thing prompted the fall out, we've just not been in touch as much lately and I pulled her up on it, was it something I'd done etc.

She gave me a run down of my friendship over the year and how up and down id been. I said I was sorry I had no idea, if Im down I tend to retreat, when Im back up I like to socialise and party as I'm happier.

I know I've done all I could to support her all year (in my mind) but we never know how its received.. I feel I've had a terrible end of year review :(

this was over 2 weeks ago, we have loads of mutual friends who are baffled. I know female friendships are complex, its what makes them so amazing, but i'm so scared this is beyond repair

Did she have a point? Have there been multiple incidents where you haven't behaved as well as you should have? It still sucks though so you have my sympathies.

thank you ThePinkPanter (great name!)
ive done a lot of self reflecting over what may have caused it. its just derailed me to think of my closest friend turning her back on me.
even my divorce didnt send me over the edge like this! friends are so fundamental. maybe we got too close, then she's seen something horrid in me and thats got to my core

No one is horrid to the core. But sometimes we make poor decisions and find it hard to see outside of our own box as to how our actions can affect others. That doesn't make you a bad person but sometimes people have to detach for their own wellbeing.

How long have you been friends, op?

Friendship fail is SO painful!

It sounds kike she's been a god friend to you but there is only so much someone can take. There's only so tolerant you can be and, when bearing someone else's emotional load starts to impact negatively on your own life/mental health, it sometimes becomes ncessary to withdraw.

I've done it twice and never easily or without a lot of soul searching and sadness.

But at the point at which I made the decisions, it really was final.

I'd also have been more receptive to renewing the friendships had the person approached me when they were in that better place rather than with promises of it.

On both occasions, the other person's needs had a serious and damaging inpact on my life and physicap/mental health but i also know that, precisely because of their needs, they felt betrayed and let down by me

Argh typos. Thumbs on phone...

No, friends don’t have to stick by you no matter how badly they behave. You say you’ve been drinking too much, how does it affect you? Generally when friends think others are drinking too much, it results in concern for their health and well-being, not in falling out. The falling out comes after the drinking causes bad behaviour that negatively impacts on others. Same with moods, if you have a health condition that causes mood swings people tend to understand, until the mood swings impact negatively on them. The short point is: have you done anything when you’ve been drunk or in a bad mood that could have upset her? If you have, you need to apologise and try to work through things so that you don’t behave that way again. You describe her concern as being that you don’t like to go out as much/pick up the phone/see her when you’re feeling a bit depressed, but I struggle to believe that’s all there is to it. That’s not a reason to fall out with someone.

Thank you for all the responses, it's given me a lot to dwell upon. I've only been looking from my side I suppose, and all that I've given her, not really so much on my behaviour impacting on our friendship. She's an ex party girl, who's been getting her life on track, I'm guessing my more regular partying isn't something she wants to be around, that coupled with the subsequent moods and recovery. I've been depressed this year and drinking can appear to be the answer to lift the mood.
I know I need to get my act together, and this time apart has made me realise how much our friendship means to me, time for Xmas humble pie and not too much fizz 😜

Maybe contact her when you have sorted out the drinking.

Maybe she feels too relied on? It's fine asking the odd favour, however there becomes a situation where someone will feel used. It's happened to me.

I have jjust had the same thing and found your mail via a google search on friend dump :(
Mine was a long time friend then we became lovers...
Then it just turned to lots of wild parties when we were together !
Then she dumped me and will not speak!

It feels so rotten.
My thoughts are with you.
Has it resolved?