MIL

[whydoibother12345]

Not sure where to start.
MIL and OH had a disagreement about her lack of involvement with her only grandchildren and OH told her it's upto you when you visit/call etc but you can't keep letting them down.
For the past three years we have had a limited relationship whereby if we didn't skype/video call or go down she wouldn't bother with them.
For a year of the three we had no correspondence despite OH trying to get her to show an interest.
She tells the world she loves them and misses them and that we are stopping her seeing them. We are not stopping her, we both work and both girls are now at school and have numerous activities. I don't drive so rely on OH to run us to weekend at activities. We have a spare room and would love nothing more than her to stop over.

Last year at a family event that we all attended she actually did small talk with us and we thought everything was sorted that night and the girls looked forward to seeing her again. We tried calling her and skyping over the next six months all to no avail. September for some reason she actually answered a text and said she couldn't log into skype so could we video call via messenger and she was really enthusiastic asking the girls lots of questions and asked OH to contact her in a couple of weeks to sort another call out. We did, to hear nothing, we have sent several messages but haven't had a reply.
Well today find she's blocked OH on messenger, which means we can't video call anymore and have spoken to a family member who tells us she's fed up of us cutting her out of the girls lives and will see the girls when they old enough to visit.
OH was getting fed up of being ignored and was hoping with it being Christmas she may answer a message and we could try one last time.

Take comfort in the fact you did nothing wrong. And accept her choice.
My mil ignored her dgs and us and told anyone who would listen we had cut when out!!
Tbh we are enjoying the peace - 3 years come Jan. Suggest you do the same.

Sounds very similar to my MIL, she makes no effort to see her grandchild too. I'm always texting/calling, sending video messages of him, asking her when she's free. She's always 'busy' and then tells the rest of the family the exact same thing as yours "they're stopping me seeing my grandchild, I miss them so much blah blah".

So strange!!

I personally think my MIL may be a sociopath. What do you think the issue is with yours?

A further problem, is once they start doing this odd behaviour, it's hard to recover from which strains your relationship even further.

I let my MIL just get on with it, I wait until she asks to see the grandchild (if ever). And take it from there. It's too stressful to keep up with the drama otherwise. I don't ever bring up the issue of her not seeing them, just when she feels like it she can and if she doesn't then the grandchild wasn't expecting a visit anyone so he's not let down.

I know she doesn't like me because I've heard in the past that "I stole her son! I also know she thinks its me that is stopping her only son visiting her (this is far from the truth, yes we have had mil/dil differences over the years but get on well when together and I'm the one who's said to OH lets try and sort it out)
Sealsarewaterdogs I honestly now don't think she will ever ask to see them, I think she is waiting until they can visit her on their own!

Does your dh visit her with your dds. At least every few months. Sounds like ye never visit but l may be picking that up wrong.

Honestly? This is good. She clearly isn't interested in her grandchildren and pushing her to be in their lives can bring them nothing but disappointment. It would have been better if cutting her out had been your idea, but now she's done it for you, please stick to it.

Why are you so desperate to make her pretend to be bothered?

Accept that she's not interested in her grandchildren and drop it.

You might wish she were a doting grandparent but she isn't. You really really have to accept that.

June, we all use to visit, only every few months but it always felt difficult and like she didn't really care if we were there. Playing on games website or blanking the girls.
Thanks Barbarianmum, I never had a grandma so was hoping they would but like you say if she isn't interested in them we can't make her be.
Runrabbit as above re that I never had a grandma so hoped they would have a grandma.

It is not worth it. You are flogging a dead horse.

I had no Grandads as they had both died before I was born but I did have 2 Grandmas. One was a nasty old witch who belittled us and was cruel and I wish we had gone NC.

My other Grandma was as poor as a church mouse but loved us, cared for us, wanted to see us and listened whilst we prattled on about crap, watched our "shows" that we put on and taught us songs. If you don't have that then cut contact.

It must be confusing for your children to have all then nothing. I suggest nothing rather than the resulting confusion and head scratching that goes on after your MIL has contacted you.

She isn't worth it.

Sounds like my mil, absolutely off her rocker!
Better off just getting on with your own life dont worry about her.