Fear of Dating! I just can't do it right now :( how do I tell him I have changed my mind?

[cupcakesmakeyouhappy]

Dated lots over the last 6 years! Learnt lots too! About dating, men, my own self confidence. Posted not so long back about concerns about my body (14-16).
I decided to start working out since I last posted! Feel better already. However, I'm not sure I can date.
I have been chatting to a guy for 2 weeks and arranged to meet up after Christmas as we both have super busy schedules. He wanted to meet sooner but I have so much on (nursing student going slightly bonkers).
We have spoke about anything and everything and he seems nice. Anyway, the closer it gets the more anxious I am getting.
I'm forever being rejected or if I do make it to date 3 or 4 or whatever, they lose interest. It's like they're really excited, and wanting to impress you before hand and then it's like they are not so. It's like I expect it now. 95% of the time expect it. So I have no excitement just fear or like a horrible anxious feeling before hand. I just don't want to meet. I want to go back to not feeling this way! I know it sounds silly as we haven't even met yet but I know what's coming.
My post is to ask how do I tell him I don't want to? I have no reason. I feel mean but I just don't want to put myself out there just yet. The more we talk, the more I feel anxious. Maybe when I have lost a stone or feeling braver.

Aw, you should meet, go there holding your head up and feel proud of who you are and what you’ve achieved since starting to work out. If he decides after meeting not to go any further then he’s not right for you anyway, but sounds like you’re getting on so there should be no reason he feels that way. Might be the one....

If the thought of meeting him is making you anxious, cancel. Tell him it's not a good time for you and you've too much going on so you are cancelling the date. It sounds like your anxiety is making it a bigger issue than it really is. You've been speaking to him for 2 weeks, so don't owe him anything, apart from being honest and kind when you break contact. Good luck

No don’t cancel. You’re looking at it all wrong. When you go on a date you go because you like that person and think it might be fun to do something together. You don’t go thinking about the future. You don’t know each other enough to be there yet. Go and get to know him. If it doesn’t work out so what. You still get a nice night and some fun out of it. Stop living in the future and enjoy the present lady.

Thankyou everyone! I just can't go. I won't enjoy it! I'm not excited! I wish I could look at it different, hold my head up high, go for a good night out. I try not to think about the future. I feel he has painted this whole lovely picture already. I just need a little more time. He is going to be annoyed, he's bound to be :(

Anybody, has the right to end any relationship, at any time for whatever reason. Just be honest

What photos has he seen? How do you know that your appearance isn't that of his ideal woman? If he has only seen a face shot you have nothing to lose sharing full body, recent photos of yourself now. You haven't deceived him and it's his choice to meet you. You might have a wonderful time, or you might not find him attractive anyway!
We all have friends who wish/plan to lose a couple of stone, but their partners and friends love them exactly as they are regardless. If you think about it, you know people all around you who aren't their 'ideal self'. They still date and manage to maintain successful relationships.
Good luck whatever you decide

A few above the shoulder shots. On full but it was a flattering photo. I know I don't look like my pics all of the time. I guess my best ones went up on the dating site. We were discussing exercise and I mentioned this year, I have not been able to because of work/study. I told him I missed it and I have actually put on over a stone because of it. He was shocked that I don't exercise (as he does and loves it) but understood. He kept mentioning the weight thing a little bit after that. Just saying things like, you aren't fat. I mentioned overweight and he couldn't see it. That's impossible as I am over weight. He questioned me about my diet a little. He sounds quite concious of his.

Ps thankyou 😊

OP -you suggest that he's got it all planned out - "I feel he has painted this whole lovely picture already". Could this be the bit that is bothering you and making you not anxious?

Sorry that should read making you feel anxious. Also mentioning the weight thing would make me uncomfortable.

Yes, that's exactly it Biddylee. I think it's a good idea to meet quite soon after first contact as the longer it goes on the more the picture is being painted. Yes, regarding the weight, I feel there is something but can't quite put my finger on it. I don't know if it's me trying to find something to make an excuse but we discussed children and he mentioned his last relationship broke up because of the dynamic between his children and hers. I just don't know, I just don't feel excited. I should be excited. I just feel we have spoke so much and it's cruel to let him down.

You are allow to back away. Just say you feel you aren't ready to date and wish him luck with finding someone else. You don't owe him anything in fact dating him because you think you feel cruel not too means you aren't being very fair to him. (I have done a fair bit of spending time with someone because I feel obliged over and above recognising my own needs and putting them first).

Trust your gut, send a polite text cancelling and then block him so you don’t have to worry about what he might say back. It sounds harsh but you’ve never even met this man and you must put yourself first.

I haven't OLD'ed much, or for a while, but I didn't feel excited before meeting someone I'd been chatting to. Slightly nervous, maybe, but I viewed that first meeting almost as a necessary evil - the chances of really hitting it off were slim, but there was only one way to find out.

That's a long winded way of saying - not feeling excited doesn't mean you shouldn't go!

Just text and say you don't feel ready for dating and wish him the best. You don't owe him anything except a polite goodbye

In fact you don't even owe him that not sure why I said you owe him a goodbye

I actually think, dating gets me down. I'm actually fed up of meeting and it going nowhere, fast! I honestly expect it and I think thats why I feel like I do. I thi k I jave lost all confidence in dating. I need a confidence boost!! Thankyou everyone!