Can you really rebuild trust?

[Gerbil17]

My ex lied and lied over stupid things.
I have trust issues to begin with and he lied at the beginning telling me he would never do anything but gain my trust.
Fast forward a year and we are no longer together due to his lies.
Even though they are lies over stupid things, it makes me question everything.
I couldnt deal with being in a relationship and feeling those negative feelings any longer.

Now he swears he wont ever lie to me again and really wants the chance to prove himself to me. This is not the first time he has said this. So again, i am questioning things. However, still going with it to try.

I do miss him and still love him and that is why i am where i am.

Am i a fool for thinking it can be rebuilt?
Am i a fool for even trying to believe a liar?

gerbil I gave way more chances than I should have. He had me questioning myself and I was never sure if I was over reacting. I now know that I wasn’t.
I think I let it go on so long because I’m alone with debilitating health problems, working, running a household, paying a mortgage with two small children. I’m overwhelmed and really hoped he was going to be able to support me in the ways he said he could.
He talked a good talk and in occasion was invaluable. Other times when I really needed him I wouldn’t see him for dust and would have no idea what he was doing or where he was!
I know I was (& am) foolish but I know for sure he can’t sustain an adult relationship with responsibilities or any form of transparency and honesty.
Hope you’re ok today.

Thank you jellyhead i am ok today :)
Stressing over him though. He keeps insisting he helps rebuild my trust.

I have told him i dont believe it is possible to be rebuilt as i have believed too many times now that things would change, when he has proven time and time again it wont.
He keeps insisting that things will change if i let him back in and help him rebuild the trust.

Only i cant get past why i should. Why should i put myself through loads of stress, with all of the untrusting thoughts and feelings hanging over me while he tries to rebuild trust that he has broken?

Why go through all of that when i could carry on, on my own without those thoughts and feelings and feel quite content?

You are not foolish jellyhead you held on to hope. That is not a bad thing to have. Unfortunately some people are just too shit to realise they had a good thing.
I am glad you realised you have a good thing without him and are feeling better for it

You can do this. Take baby steps. Being alone is 1000 times better than being confused and anxious and not trusting your own judgement.
It’s so annoying how mind games can get into your head, eventually you will be over this. There’s a ‘no contact’ thread onhere which might help? Think it’s referred to as NC in the thread title.

Better alone than badly accompanied. Far more peaceful and freeing.

People want what they can't have. Hence his messaging you every day but when he gets to see you.

He sounds really childish though OP and the lying is damaging and really unattractive.

It seems he is really childish.
He claims the reason he will not stop trying to win me back is because he promised he wouldnt and he means what he says now.

Thanks for the thread suggestion jelly

No you can't.
Like a smashed plate, you can glue the relationship back together but the cracks and points of weakness are always there.

Yup that is exactly how it is to be honest.

Pfft, well you stick to what you say too, you are not getting back together, so since he has stated he plans to harass you then this would be exactly the right moment to block him.

I have blocked now.
He was hanging around outside of my house after i told him to leave me alone.
My sons dad turned up to pick my my son up.
Ex claimed sons dad called him a name when he didnt! I know he didnt because he was on the phone to me asking if he was causing trouble until he left. He also wouldnt when he had our son.

He is back to threatening suicide which seems to happen when he feels i am not backing down.

It's rare for abusive partners to follow through with suicide. The threat is a tool to manipulate and control you.

It's just so exhausting being with someone who lies. It drains your mental batteries, the bubble of uncertainty and doubt. Second-guessing yourself and analysing everyday situations that did or didn't happen, trying to puzzle out what feels off and what is im your head.

It's ultimately very destructive. Not to him. To you.

Cut your losses. He's already wrecking your head.

keepingonrunning exactly. I felt awful last time he said all of that and i believe that is probably what sucked me back into it all.
A genuine person thinking like that would not feel hunky dory when everything is going there way, and feel that low when its not.
He was able to post a note a few hours later asking me to take him back, which is pointless if you arent planning on hanging around.

It is exhausting shankarankalina i dont have it in me to go through the stress of it all.

Wow, falsely accusing your other ex is sinking to a new low.

Have you blocked him on everything so you don't have to listen to his shite?

I had. I unblocked this morning to arrange for him to pick his stuff up.
He is just using this unblock to talk aload of shite again.
He is adamant that deep down i dont want things to end. This is his reasoning behind his harrassment.

I am at the point where im going to tell him what time his stuff will be outside and block him for good.

Good plan.

He has no respect for you.

If he won't leave you alone, make a report to the police. Dial 101 if it's a non-emergency. There are laws to protect you from his emotional abuse and stalking - hanging around outside your home.