Taking phone number then never texting

[Dref]

Hello mumsnetters,
Wondering what anyone thinks of this scenario:

My son just started preschool this September. My basic approach at playgroups, school etc is to be smiley, say hi, chitchat if an opportunity arises etc. One Mum I know as an acquaintance from a baby group. She and I would smile, say hi, have brief exchanges as we drop off. One day we got onto how my son has a mild speech delay and was finding initiating play a bit difficult (he is not AS or cognitively delayed just FYI). She said we must come to her place for a playdate and she took my mobile number and said she'd text me to arrange. We then walked together a bit and she asked me some questions about speech delays because her nephew was showing signs of having one and she wanted to get info for her brother. It all felt natural and not weird. So, couple days later no text so when I saw her next I mentioned lightheartedly about the playdate thing and she said something about being shambolic with her phone. I immediately backed off inside but since then we have maintained a jovial 'hi, how are you' etc. But this week I started to feel it was getting a bit weird and forced.

Has anyone got any insights or been in either position?

Thx

And just to be clear I am a bit disappointed because I think she's nice enough to try and get to know and I thought a playdate would-be lovely for my son. Two of our playdate Mum and toddler friends have just moved away.

And she has never texted me or mentioned the playdate thing again. She initiated it quite boldly I thought and seems to have gone off the idea...but I can't fathom why...

Get Christmas out of the way and maybe you text her in the new year, you could maybe start by suggesting a walk to the park after school?

I'm sure theres nothing more in it, the end of term is such a busy time for everyone.

Busy time of year, maybe just doesnt have time.

I would wait until the new year and then I would be proactive and invite THEM to a play date instead of waiting.

Have you texted her to ask about a playdate?

Maybe send a Merry Christmas text and see if she replies.

If not then she's just flaky so don't bother

Maybe stuff just keeps coming up? Next time you see her ask if she wants to join you at a local park, all casual like. You’re putting all the onus on her and also a play date is maybe a bit formal?

Thx for the replies. Well, she never gave me her number as she said she'd text me so I would get it. Maybe when the weather improves I'll suggest a walk to the park and keep it casual. Maybe she was in friendship forming overdrive I don't know, or could well be flaky. Made me feel a bit paranoid though😐

Don’t sweat the small stuff. All the “its busy time of year” nonsense, is a smokescreen for can’t be arsed.

Her lack of action, speaks volumes. Move on

If she’s anything like me she is all for making plans, then realises her crippling social anxiety can’t cope with it and never follow it through.
I’m all for chit chat when it happens but a can never arrange further things!
Perhaps in the new year if you have something planned (group/soft play etc) invite her along!

Maybe it seemed like the thing to say after your conversation "oh we must meet up for coffee" type enthusiasm as you'd been helping her with thoughts about her nephew, and she got cold feet and dreads the idea in reality. Not as a slight to you, but a omg I have to follow through on something lightly said.

Thx and kind of seems more like that TheNaze73. Also, this exchange happened well over a month ago. I'm a bit perplexed tbh as it's unclear to me what her motives were but guess it's not worth the mental energy trying to decipher it.

Hiya, so the chat about her nephew was after her invite and she doesn't seem socially anxious at all to me, she's more like a young Joanna Lumley in her personality. She basically changed her mind I think!

I am shambolic with my phone. That is just the sort of thing I would do as well. You start to text, get interrupted by a small child, don't send it. Next day you think I will send that text now, but the phone needs charging. Few days later, oh I had better send that text, Christ where has my phone gone, I can't find it, look under sofa, look in kids' room, get distracted by something else, don't find phone. Continue ad infinitum.

Well its perfectly fine for her to change her mind and maybe for the best because you seem a bit too much invested in the importance of what was probably a throwaway comment it if its made you paranoid. She was no doubt trying to be nice but just hasnt got the time/inclination right now to follow it up.

I did this recently. My DS seemed to be playing with / talking about a certain child, so I asked the mum for her number and said we should do a play date. I didn’t get round to it for a bit. Then DS never mentioned the boy’s name again and was playing with other children so it seemed weird to arrange it. (We don’t do many play dates - only with my DC’s good friends really.) Maybe it was something like that.

I’m like that. I’m atrociously bad at replying and getting my arse into gear. Mainly because I have multiple young kids and I’m exhausted enough as i am. It’s the time of year as well so i doubt she has changed her mind but rather is busy. Why don’t you pick it up after the holidays and say “Let’s put a date in the diary”.

MaroonPencil: you’re basically describing my life. 💯

I wouldn't take it personally - my experience of that sort of acquaintanceship is that for every 3 times you agree to set up a play date, it actually happens once! People are busy, overestimate what they can do, they like you, like the idea of a play date and think your child is a suitable playmate, but lack the time or organisational capacity to follow through.

Sometimes I am the person who fails to follow through, it is just crapness on my part and does not reflect on the other party.