Please excuse the dramatic title, have also NCd for this.
I am trying my best to get through this testing time but I keep getting dragged back to the same place.
Have been with DP for many years and we have a very young DC and this has tested our relationship to the point where DP and I have split up and got back together, only for me to fall pregnant again. I am now nearly there birth wise and the last few months have been hell.
DP has completely changed, he shows me no affection anymore and says I am to blame. I won't totally dispute this as we have been together for many years and we have both made mistakes. External factors put a lot of strain on us and we both disagreed about how to move forward. I pressed for my own way for the sake of our family but the cost was so high that he has never felt the same about me. Not just this matter but everything else I have ever done wrong is now being used against me. He says he is waiting for me to change but I have to work out what I should do. This is very hard as I am struggling to parent a toddler while heavily pregnant. DP is a very hands on parent and does his share but there is no love or affection towards me anymore.
I tried to draw a line under things as he is not interested in counselling. He wouldn't leave as he has nowhere to go and I am about to have a baby so I'm not sure what to do. He wouldn't let me end things and said I was cold and horrible. He said he would try harder but now we are back to where we were. He has absolutely no interest in me.
Last night I had a horrible nightmare and I had to beg him to hold me. In the past he would have stroked my arm, held me tight, but he just lay his arm flatly over me like a dead weight.
This is not the first of many times this last year where he has left me to cry or watched me struggle and offered no support.
I am so trapped. I am about to have another baby and I have no support, no family nearby and things are so hard as it is. I am not young. Is this my life from now on?
I wonder is there anybody else out there who has been through this and are there any words of wisdom to help me through? Or just a handhold would be lovely.
Thanks.